I'm struggling knowing how to start this post. Not a lot has happened this last month or so. We have started ball season for my son. My daughter was playing volleyball but due to injuring her hand, it was cut short. However, I know that will be starting again soon.
We are still on the road to adoption but are taking a scenic route. After the adoption of a girl fell through, we had to reevaluate what we were to be doing. As much as my husband and I said "No" to foster care, we each felt more and more that it may be the way to go. So we have taken classes and are almost done with those.
About a month ago, my grandmother was in the hospital. She is OK now but it brought about another change. For about 3 years, I had not talked to anyone on my side of the family. Due to my past and my anger I just felt it was better not to. However, God had yet another plan for me. While my grandmother was in the hospital I spent some time with my mother. She was at the hospital and by herself while my grandmother slept. I spent a few hours at a time with my mother and just talked. We didn't talk about much but kept it on a superficial level. Shortly after, I called her and we worked some things out.
Then God gave me yet another surprise. A few weeks after opening up discussion with my mother, I talked to 1 of my brothers. This would be the youngest and we had a great time getting caught up by phone for 1 1/2 hours. I found out a lot about some stuff he was going through and found he gave me some encouragement too.
James 3:17,18 says, "Wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
I guess God is teaching me yet another lesson. This will be the first Mother's Day in 3 years where I haven't actually felt a little guilty because I have not talked to my mother. While I will not actually be seeing her, I did call and tell her Happy Mother's Day! I have another new peace that I wasn't sure would ever come. I believe my children will get to see their mom one day where she doesn't have so much anger, bitterness, or emptiness in her. Tomorrow I will get to have a day where I will be at peace with what God has given me. I will consult the wisdom from above so that I may have the pureness, peace, and mercy without hypocrisy or partiality.
Happy Mother's Day to my mother, mother-in-law, family and friends!! May each of us have the fruit of righteousness sown in peace within our hearts.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Random Thoughts
First things first. God must be praised in all things!
I am slowly learning the patience God is trying to teach me. I would like to say that I am doing a good job at it but that wouldn't be telling the truth. However, I am willing to continue learning. I know that I can do all things through Christ. I just have to remind myself occassionally of this.
Regarding adoption, we are still on this path. We are also looking at foster care. Nothing has been set in stone as we are waiting on God's prompting. We are trusting in Him as we wander down these paths.
Precious Gems: This is the name of the home daycare I am now running. I was approved with a temporary license last week. This week I signed 2 children. I will not have my permanent license until I pass a few more inspections. That being said, they should both be done in the next 2 weeks. The first being this coming Thursday. I'm not worried but I always appreciate prayers when it come to these things.
Those are my thoughts for now. I just felt like I needed to get some of that typed out. My husband is great about understanding me lately. However, "getting it all down on paper" is usually the best method to get it all out.
I am slowly learning the patience God is trying to teach me. I would like to say that I am doing a good job at it but that wouldn't be telling the truth. However, I am willing to continue learning. I know that I can do all things through Christ. I just have to remind myself occassionally of this.
Regarding adoption, we are still on this path. We are also looking at foster care. Nothing has been set in stone as we are waiting on God's prompting. We are trusting in Him as we wander down these paths.
Precious Gems: This is the name of the home daycare I am now running. I was approved with a temporary license last week. This week I signed 2 children. I will not have my permanent license until I pass a few more inspections. That being said, they should both be done in the next 2 weeks. The first being this coming Thursday. I'm not worried but I always appreciate prayers when it come to these things.
Those are my thoughts for now. I just felt like I needed to get some of that typed out. My husband is great about understanding me lately. However, "getting it all down on paper" is usually the best method to get it all out.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
A Recurring Theme
As I sat down to write tonight, I realized I haven't wrote in almost 2 months. With that being said, I should probably do an update with my family and our progress.
Amber went back to public school at the beginning of the year. With minor complications, she is doing great! I have to say, I really don't like the attitude that comes with her age but she seems to be handling it better than I am. I can also admit this tries my patience on a daily basis in one way or another.
Zechariah is also pushing the balance of patience. I realized in his school "schedule" he wasn't really being challenged in a few areas. When I took a look at this and the date we were going to be done with school; I had to kick it into high gear. As I did this, I heard quite a bit more complaining. It takes a strong woman to stay home, school her child, and not get angry!
On the adoption home front, we are still on that journey. We have recently had a set back. Anyone who knows me will know this is not what I like to hear. In January, we submitted our home study for a little girl of 10. In February, we received word that we had been selected to go to the next step. We were just waiting on the Best Interest Staffing. During that time, we also had to update our home study at the request of the child's caseworker. A few days ago, we received information from our caseworker, the little girl had a little incident and wanted to make sure we were still interested. To be honest, I still don't know what to think but after speaking with Rick, I just feel like it's not something we can handle.
I must also mention that before Rick & I had our fallout, I asked God to give me patience. Prior to that, I asked for adoption. Prior to that, I asked God to help me in my relationship with Rick. So if you have been following me for some time, you may notice I think God moved little by little in HIS time with each request. Granted, they were not necessarily the way I wanted them to be answered or in the TIME I wanted them answered but he did answer them.
So Rick mentioned last night, he thinks God is trying to teach me PATIENCE. I, at first, rejected this idea. Then today I have just had this long day. So tonight, I had to reevaluate my thinking. I am beginning to think I need to quit praying for patience. God doesn't just give us patience; HE gives us circumstances to practice that patience.
Luke 8:15 says: "But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." and James 1:2-3 says: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
I guess this just means I am being tested so I can have more patience so that I "may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:4b. Will you let God make you perfect and complete? Will you give Him number 1 priority? Will you ask for patience?
Amber went back to public school at the beginning of the year. With minor complications, she is doing great! I have to say, I really don't like the attitude that comes with her age but she seems to be handling it better than I am. I can also admit this tries my patience on a daily basis in one way or another.
Zechariah is also pushing the balance of patience. I realized in his school "schedule" he wasn't really being challenged in a few areas. When I took a look at this and the date we were going to be done with school; I had to kick it into high gear. As I did this, I heard quite a bit more complaining. It takes a strong woman to stay home, school her child, and not get angry!
On the adoption home front, we are still on that journey. We have recently had a set back. Anyone who knows me will know this is not what I like to hear. In January, we submitted our home study for a little girl of 10. In February, we received word that we had been selected to go to the next step. We were just waiting on the Best Interest Staffing. During that time, we also had to update our home study at the request of the child's caseworker. A few days ago, we received information from our caseworker, the little girl had a little incident and wanted to make sure we were still interested. To be honest, I still don't know what to think but after speaking with Rick, I just feel like it's not something we can handle.
I must also mention that before Rick & I had our fallout, I asked God to give me patience. Prior to that, I asked for adoption. Prior to that, I asked God to help me in my relationship with Rick. So if you have been following me for some time, you may notice I think God moved little by little in HIS time with each request. Granted, they were not necessarily the way I wanted them to be answered or in the TIME I wanted them answered but he did answer them.
So Rick mentioned last night, he thinks God is trying to teach me PATIENCE. I, at first, rejected this idea. Then today I have just had this long day. So tonight, I had to reevaluate my thinking. I am beginning to think I need to quit praying for patience. God doesn't just give us patience; HE gives us circumstances to practice that patience.
Luke 8:15 says: "But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." and James 1:2-3 says: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
I guess this just means I am being tested so I can have more patience so that I "may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:4b. Will you let God make you perfect and complete? Will you give Him number 1 priority? Will you ask for patience?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
More TRUST
My house is quiet. This is not a normal thing. As I sit here and begin to put my thoughts to the computer journal I can't help but be a little melancholy.
Over the Christmas break we had some changes happen. While I love homeschooling my children, it wasn't agreeing with my oldest. For the last month or so she had been having a hard time staying focused. It would literally take 7 days to complete 5 days worth of work. She took breaks ALL the time and we argued a lot. It was very hard for me to enjoy being with her during "school" hours. After those times, during our free or family time, she was a WHOLE NEW person. This child asked my husband and I if she could return to school. Every fiber of my being screamed NO! How can I give my baby girl to a school that will not love her as much as I do or "baby" her through classes that are too hard?
Yesterday, I took her to the middle school in our area and had a tour with her. I am a worried mother. However, I found the principal, assistant principal, counselor, and a teacher were as comforting to me as they were to her. They took the time to answer my questions and talk with her over the changes that would be made. After about 1 hour there, I made the decision (with hubby's support) to allow her to go to middle school. While my daughter was ecstatic this morning, I had to say a prayer over her to make me feel better.
We read the Bible and prayed before we left the house. As I sit here, I wonder how God thinks over us everyday. What does He say about where we go? Who we talk to? Our interactions throughout our days and lives? I'm reminded of a verse that I have wrote of before: Jeremiah 29:11. Only He knows what the plans are for my daughter and my family. I am going to be strong in that and TRUST HIM.
Over the Christmas break we had some changes happen. While I love homeschooling my children, it wasn't agreeing with my oldest. For the last month or so she had been having a hard time staying focused. It would literally take 7 days to complete 5 days worth of work. She took breaks ALL the time and we argued a lot. It was very hard for me to enjoy being with her during "school" hours. After those times, during our free or family time, she was a WHOLE NEW person. This child asked my husband and I if she could return to school. Every fiber of my being screamed NO! How can I give my baby girl to a school that will not love her as much as I do or "baby" her through classes that are too hard?
Yesterday, I took her to the middle school in our area and had a tour with her. I am a worried mother. However, I found the principal, assistant principal, counselor, and a teacher were as comforting to me as they were to her. They took the time to answer my questions and talk with her over the changes that would be made. After about 1 hour there, I made the decision (with hubby's support) to allow her to go to middle school. While my daughter was ecstatic this morning, I had to say a prayer over her to make me feel better.
We read the Bible and prayed before we left the house. As I sit here, I wonder how God thinks over us everyday. What does He say about where we go? Who we talk to? Our interactions throughout our days and lives? I'm reminded of a verse that I have wrote of before: Jeremiah 29:11. Only He knows what the plans are for my daughter and my family. I am going to be strong in that and TRUST HIM.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New Year Deeper in Love
Let's be honest here. I don't make resolutions for a new year because I have a very hard time keeping them. I thought about making a resolution to lose weight, but I'm happy with the weight I'm at. Then I thought about making a resolution to just be more active. Obviously, that's not going to happen!!
As you can see, I'm not good at making resolutions. I'm kind of like that person who says they'll try to do better. This year however, I have decided I'm just going to allow God to mold me even more into HIS image. This could be a year where I hurt deeply. I am not a perfect person. I struggle just like everyone else does and sometimes feel my pain is the worst it has ever been. After last year, I wonder how I will be molded and changed. Of course, I ask this knowing that I will find out in December of this year.
I would like to say that I could encourage everyone through this year but at times I may need that encouragement too. There are many changes I know about and I'm sure just as many I don't. One of the devotional calendars I have gave me this to ponder on:
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
January 1 became generally recognized as the beginning of the year in the 1500's with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar. In the United States, the holiday is traditionally considered to be a time to take stock of one's life and to make resolutions for the coming year.
The best way for believers to celebrate each New Year's Day is to resolve to live more like the new creation that the apostle Paul sys we are. Once we accept the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, we enter into the New Covenant and God begins a new work of creation in us. He gives us a new heart, a new self, and a new song. We're called to have new attitudes and a new lifestyle. As we grow, God brings new opportunities for service and teaches us new truths." (The One Year On This Day-calendar of 365 Devotions on Intriguing Events that Happened--Dianne Neal Matthews)
So, while again, I'm not good at resolutions, I fully RESOLVE to fall deeper in love with Christ and allow him to mold, change, shape, and paint me the way HE chooses.
As you can see, I'm not good at making resolutions. I'm kind of like that person who says they'll try to do better. This year however, I have decided I'm just going to allow God to mold me even more into HIS image. This could be a year where I hurt deeply. I am not a perfect person. I struggle just like everyone else does and sometimes feel my pain is the worst it has ever been. After last year, I wonder how I will be molded and changed. Of course, I ask this knowing that I will find out in December of this year.
I would like to say that I could encourage everyone through this year but at times I may need that encouragement too. There are many changes I know about and I'm sure just as many I don't. One of the devotional calendars I have gave me this to ponder on:
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
January 1 became generally recognized as the beginning of the year in the 1500's with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar. In the United States, the holiday is traditionally considered to be a time to take stock of one's life and to make resolutions for the coming year.
The best way for believers to celebrate each New Year's Day is to resolve to live more like the new creation that the apostle Paul sys we are. Once we accept the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, we enter into the New Covenant and God begins a new work of creation in us. He gives us a new heart, a new self, and a new song. We're called to have new attitudes and a new lifestyle. As we grow, God brings new opportunities for service and teaches us new truths." (The One Year On This Day-calendar of 365 Devotions on Intriguing Events that Happened--Dianne Neal Matthews)
So, while again, I'm not good at resolutions, I fully RESOLVE to fall deeper in love with Christ and allow him to mold, change, shape, and paint me the way HE chooses.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Your Heavenly Christmas Gift
I never really know how to start these blog posts. I don't know if I could ever think of anything witty to say that I wouldn't eventually erase and start all over again. (This is the 2nd time I've tried starting tonight.)
I do have more news. Since our move a few weeks ago, we have finished our home assessment for the adoption. We are just waiting on a few references to be finished, the TB test results turned in, and finally for the information on how much life insurance Rick has through his job! We have been very blessed so far through this process. I can't believe we are at this point where we can start looking at children's profiles. It seems such a short time ago that we started.
With that in mind, it reminds me of how we are all adopted into God's kingdom. Reflecting on this time of year and what it means has me really thinking this year. I have been reading the book of Luke to my children. Rick and I have also been talking about angels with them. We want them to know that the angels depicted in society are not what they are in the Bible. Luke 1:29 says Mary was "troubled" when an angel came to her. It also says in Luke 1:12 Zacharias was "troubled" upon seeing God's angel. This angel that was seen by both Zacharias and Mary was Gabriel. Gabriel brought good news to both but the outcome of these were different. Zacharias questions what Gabriel says and doesn't believe therefore losing his ability to speak until the prophecy happened. However, Mary questions, then believes and says "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)
I find this fascinating. God allowed two different things to happen for His glory! The biggest glory though is His son being sent down for us. We are celebrating the birth of this mercy & glory this holiday season. Christ was given to us in a lowly, dark place so we could live in a high, lighted place eternally. All we have to do is accept Christ as our personal Savior. In a time where darkness overshadows our world, it's amazing to see God's promises and see the "Light" at the end of the tunnel.
This Christmas season, I invite all of my readers to reflect on God's love and His gift to us. Focus on what it means to be adopted into Christ's kingdom. If you don't know His gift, go to a church and find a pastor and ask them what it means to have Christ in your life so you can be adopted into His kingdom. If you know Christ and will live in His kingdom, reflect this season on how you can help someone else come to know him. Help them to become your brother or sister. I also invite everyone to read, on a daily basis, the Bible and become closer to Jesus Christ, God's heavenly Christmas gift!
I do have more news. Since our move a few weeks ago, we have finished our home assessment for the adoption. We are just waiting on a few references to be finished, the TB test results turned in, and finally for the information on how much life insurance Rick has through his job! We have been very blessed so far through this process. I can't believe we are at this point where we can start looking at children's profiles. It seems such a short time ago that we started.
With that in mind, it reminds me of how we are all adopted into God's kingdom. Reflecting on this time of year and what it means has me really thinking this year. I have been reading the book of Luke to my children. Rick and I have also been talking about angels with them. We want them to know that the angels depicted in society are not what they are in the Bible. Luke 1:29 says Mary was "troubled" when an angel came to her. It also says in Luke 1:12 Zacharias was "troubled" upon seeing God's angel. This angel that was seen by both Zacharias and Mary was Gabriel. Gabriel brought good news to both but the outcome of these were different. Zacharias questions what Gabriel says and doesn't believe therefore losing his ability to speak until the prophecy happened. However, Mary questions, then believes and says "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)
I find this fascinating. God allowed two different things to happen for His glory! The biggest glory though is His son being sent down for us. We are celebrating the birth of this mercy & glory this holiday season. Christ was given to us in a lowly, dark place so we could live in a high, lighted place eternally. All we have to do is accept Christ as our personal Savior. In a time where darkness overshadows our world, it's amazing to see God's promises and see the "Light" at the end of the tunnel.
This Christmas season, I invite all of my readers to reflect on God's love and His gift to us. Focus on what it means to be adopted into Christ's kingdom. If you don't know His gift, go to a church and find a pastor and ask them what it means to have Christ in your life so you can be adopted into His kingdom. If you know Christ and will live in His kingdom, reflect this season on how you can help someone else come to know him. Help them to become your brother or sister. I also invite everyone to read, on a daily basis, the Bible and become closer to Jesus Christ, God's heavenly Christmas gift!
Monday, December 3, 2012
New Chapter
I write to you today after a couple of months of change. Since I last wrote, my family has celebrated many birthdays. My daughter turned 11, I turned 31, my son is now 8, and my husband celebrated number 42! We have also gone through more changes.
Tonight as Rick and I were moving our stuff from house to house, I realized God has very intricately woven another chapter together seamlessly. It was just a little over a year ago that I told my husband I was leaving him. This year we had another situation overshadow the situation from last year.
For those that do not know on November 1st, we found out the house we were living in (at the cemetery) would not be around much longer. The house was not in good condition as far as structure. There were also other issues but we were being asked to find another place. This was the first step in God's new chapter.
The next step would come the next morning. After finding out we would have to move soon, our family was very upset. However, we set up appointments to begin seeing apartments. Later that night, our daughter would suggest going for a ride to help calm her. While we were out riding around, we found a house--3 doors down from Rick's parents!!!
I called the next day to get some information on this house. It turns out, God was in complete control as I was losing control all over again. The house was in our price range, had the number of bedrooms we wanted, a fenced in yard for our dogs, and again, it was 3 homes down from Rick's parents!! This house would be available December 1. We made an appointment to see this house the following Monday! So we met with the landlord. In addition to all the pluses so far, everything in the home had been replaced within the last 2 years (roof, carpet, ac & heat)! If you are wondering, we signed the contract that same week!!!
Thanksgiving last year was a total nightmare. However, this year, my nightmare was a little different! Instead of being angry with my spouse, I was ecstatic and concerned with moving. This was step 3 in God's plan I'm sure!! Looking back tonight, everything was moving into place even when I didn't have a handle on it. Of course, last week I suffered another blow when I received a phone call from our new landlord asking if we could move our movers to Tuesday instead of Saturday. When he was finally able to look at the house, he found out it had been damaged. Again, God has new plans. That being said a huge thank you goes out to our landlord. Since I wasn't able to change our movers, he worked nonstop for 48 hours replacing carpet, painting walls, new bathroom, and cleaning the yard!
This being said, I don't believe our family will be moving anytime soon. As I look back at everything that has happened over the last year, God has had a plan that has been blessing me in many, many ways!! We are again starting a New Chapter with a New Life!
Tonight as Rick and I were moving our stuff from house to house, I realized God has very intricately woven another chapter together seamlessly. It was just a little over a year ago that I told my husband I was leaving him. This year we had another situation overshadow the situation from last year.
For those that do not know on November 1st, we found out the house we were living in (at the cemetery) would not be around much longer. The house was not in good condition as far as structure. There were also other issues but we were being asked to find another place. This was the first step in God's new chapter.
The next step would come the next morning. After finding out we would have to move soon, our family was very upset. However, we set up appointments to begin seeing apartments. Later that night, our daughter would suggest going for a ride to help calm her. While we were out riding around, we found a house--3 doors down from Rick's parents!!!
I called the next day to get some information on this house. It turns out, God was in complete control as I was losing control all over again. The house was in our price range, had the number of bedrooms we wanted, a fenced in yard for our dogs, and again, it was 3 homes down from Rick's parents!! This house would be available December 1. We made an appointment to see this house the following Monday! So we met with the landlord. In addition to all the pluses so far, everything in the home had been replaced within the last 2 years (roof, carpet, ac & heat)! If you are wondering, we signed the contract that same week!!!
Thanksgiving last year was a total nightmare. However, this year, my nightmare was a little different! Instead of being angry with my spouse, I was ecstatic and concerned with moving. This was step 3 in God's plan I'm sure!! Looking back tonight, everything was moving into place even when I didn't have a handle on it. Of course, last week I suffered another blow when I received a phone call from our new landlord asking if we could move our movers to Tuesday instead of Saturday. When he was finally able to look at the house, he found out it had been damaged. Again, God has new plans. That being said a huge thank you goes out to our landlord. Since I wasn't able to change our movers, he worked nonstop for 48 hours replacing carpet, painting walls, new bathroom, and cleaning the yard!
This being said, I don't believe our family will be moving anytime soon. As I look back at everything that has happened over the last year, God has had a plan that has been blessing me in many, many ways!! We are again starting a New Chapter with a New Life!
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