So, it's been a few months since I've written my thoughts down. Please bear with me as I try to bring my thoughts together.
The first 1/3 of the year has brought more changes for our family. January and February seemed to have gone by without any issues. Rick and I even began to wonder if we should think about bringing in another foster child. It seemed our daughter had a good "playmate" but our son seemed to be left out. We began to pray about what would be the best thing to do.
God didn't take much time to answer this prayer. On March 4, while I was on the phone figuring some bills out, my husband called on the other line to inform me he was at the doctor's office with chest pains. He stated in addition to his pain, he arm hurt as well. While he was at the office, I received a call from our foster daughter's caseworker. She stated that she had a child that needed a home. This child had been staying only 1 night in homes for the last week. My heart broke but I still wasn't sure what we needed to do. I asked several questions regarding this child. I was told the child was good but had had physical and verbal aggression in his past. I felt my heart drop. This was the one thing Rick & I said we would not deal with. I began to text Rick and ask him what he felt was right. Because we hadn't actually gotten a no immediately, Rick informed me to say yes. I called the caseworker back and informed them we would give it a trial week and provided nothing happened that would harm us, our children, or anyone else around us, we would make it as permanent as needed..
Our foster son showed up on our doorstep at 9:00 pm the very same day! He was enrolled in school the next day and due to transportation issues, began on Friday. He went to school for a week and then got a BIG break (Spring break). With a minor bump in the road, he has been very good! I even have the opportunity to speak with his mom! God is blessing our family with great opportunities to give HIS message.
In addition to all of this, Rick & I have just celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary! It seems crazy to think that a short two years ago that we renewed our wedding vows. Since that time, God has blessed our marriage beyond measure! Yes, we have had to move. Without that though, we wouldn't have decided that we need to begin to pay down our debt and not borrow anymore. To that effect, we paid cash for a van that would fit our growing family! We almost have several bills and a few loans paid off. I have been blessed to have a daycare in my home that is continuing to thrive at this time. The families that come here mean so much to me! I feel the love that each one brings into my home! Rick has also received a few awards at work and has finished his managers training!! That was 18 months of training and then nationally recognized within his company!! I am so proud of him!
I've been talking to our foster children about their circumstances and why it has been allowed to happen. I firmly think that sometimes, in order to get our attention, God will allow bad circumstances to happen. I know for me, I've had to lean heavily on Christ and His teachings to get me through some of the worst things I've gone through! I also find that I'm closer to Him during these times. That being said, one of the children said they've gone through this because they are learning how to behave appropriately and feels they are part of a family that cares. The other child stated just this evening that they feel closer to their family now. They didn't realize how much they would miss their family until they had been taken away.
For me, I'm learning how to appreciate the small things in life. It is also changing how I respond to people. I know in the past, I had so much anger and many issues dealing with it. Many days, I wonder how I dealt with things in the past. How did I come off to people? I don't remember always being nice but I also remember holding a lot in. Did others think I was a lost person? How do those that I grew up with remember me?
Thankfully, I don't have to worry about the past. With Jesus Christ as my Savior, I am forgiven and accepted! My past doesn't control me. I see it as part of who I am and use it to help better myself for the future!! I AM LOVED! I am made in Christ's image and HE is what I strive to become like. I will never make it and for that God sent His son!! What a great opportunity to share this with those I come into contact with, whether it be through childcare, family, church, or foster care!! Thank you Jesus for giving me these opportunities!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
RAD
RAD--Not an abbreviation I was familiar with a few months ago. It's not something that can be cured with medication. It's not something that will ever truly go away. It is however something that can affect everyone and everything around you. Reactive Attachment Disorder. The clinical definition is:
a condition found in children who have received grossly negligent care and do not form a healthy emotional attachment with their primary caregivers -- usually their mothers -- before age 5.
There are two types of RAD. Inhibited and Disinhibited. I believe I am getting very versed in the first. Now as we began looking into foster care and adoption, I began to hear this term a lot. I even did a very minimal research into it. I decided at that point, it couldn't happen to us. We were not going to have that in a child we were going to consider. Well, as you know, God likes to see your face when He says this is what you are going to do. Yes, I admit, I'm a stubborn child. I stomp my feet, kick & cry, and down right ignore what he says.
God changes your heart as you go through certain circumstances. I truly believe now this child was placed in our home so we could help her overcome her past, see what a relationship with a parent looks like. This Saturday (Jan 25) she has been with us for 3 months. The first month was an adjustment period. The second month was a rebellion month. Both months have taught me something new. I can only say that as I look back and not as I was going through it. In our child, RAD looks something like this: Temper tantrums in an almost 13 year old. Crying for no reason other than to get attention. Hiding food and disobeying at any given time. Running away because of anger. "Threatening" suicide. Arguing with siblings and parents because it made sense at the time. During all these situations the stated child is unable to be consoled, reasoned with, or talked to.
Imagine if you will, your child that has been with you since birth. You have given that child all the love and attention they needed. There are no other psychological issues. Your child has grown up with a core belief of what is right and wrong. The child has gone from infant to toddler to preteen with minimal out-of-the ordinary tantrums. Now imagine a child that has been left to fend for themselves. They have not been taught "common sense" items. They don't understand what it is to be told no but still be loved. They don't understand that when they have a tantrum you will still love them but will give them discipline and guidance to help them grow into a healthy adult. So instead, this same child continues to throw "fits" even though they desperately may want nothing more than your love and devotion. All the while, they are pushing your further away because that is what they have come to learn. It doesn't matter how much they say they love me because when I'm bad, they will get rid of me and stop loving me. There is no healthy relationship because somewhere in their past, they were neglected or weren't able to have a loving, healthy emotional attachment to a primary caregiver.
Not every child in foster care has RAD. As a matter of fact, only a select few actually have it. However it does seem more prevalent in the foster care system. As I read an article on http://cswr.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/2012_vol3_pg63_balasingham-1.pdf, I saw that only 1% of children under age five are diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. It goes on to say that about 40% of children in foster care and 50% of children adopted from orphanages have this disorder. To me, this is an astounding number! If all 3 of my children were adopted from an orphanage, at least 1 1/2 would have a form of RAD. Does that even seem right?!?
As I contemplate these numbers, I find myself questioning many things. Why? Why do these children have to suffer so much. Why does my heart hurt so badly for them? What? What is God placing on my heart to do? What will happen to the future of our children if the number of foster care children increases? If RAD compromises a child's ability to have a healthy relationship with anyone, will this also increase other rates like divorces? Think about it, if you can't have a good, strong, emotionally healthy relationship with a parent, how would you be able to have one with a mate? What would you teach your children if you had them?
Now let's look at what the child is possibly thinking. Why doesn't anyone love me? I know they don't love me because they are not meeting my needs. This person doesn't feed me. They don't give me the physical attention I need. They can't communicate with me. I don't want to talk to them. I know they like me but I can't be good all the time. I'm easily frustrated and I don't know how to deal with it. That's ok, I'll just hit or scream at whoever makes me frustrated or angry.
Maybe this is why God has called me to this foster care thing. He is opening my eyes to what He sees. Having two children of my own whom I love with a deep passion and have always tried to give them what they need, I couldn't imagine much outside of this. Isn't this how life is supposed to be? Every mother feels this way, right? Unfortunately, I know one child that didn't feel that way. It has been a difficult yet rewarding few months. My husband's family has seen the effect it has had on me and my children. My husband and I have been so frustrated and out of control, we have had to call in many reinforcements to help us. Yes, this child has yelled at us. She has cussed at us. She has decided to run away. There was even a time with this child hurt my son. (Side note: Later found out, my children may have egged them on a little ;-}) This particular child also was gone from us for a week because of some actions and a few threatening words. My heart hurts to think this child hadn't been loved when they were little and finds it very difficult to make a healthy emotional attachment.
Now, all this is said with a few things in mind. Things are changing folks! With more security, the attachments being made in this home are truly coming along. The girls are making very small baby steps towards becoming sisters, fighting and all. All three children can play together on a good day for 30 minutes or so. The temper tantrums are becoming less and less. God is making His presence known more and more. Each of us is still truly adjusting. I know it is a long road ahead of us. I am encouraged though as I hear from others outside of the family, such as case managers and therapists, that say they have seen our family change in many ways. They also say, knowing this child for several years, they haven't seen her have as big of an attachment to a family as she does with us! Many who know her have also said she seems happier and more relaxed. This my dear friends is nothing short of a miracle. God knows what he's doing, even if you think He's wrong.
I ask, dear friends and readers, to be in constant prayer. Pray for us as a family. Pray for our children. Pray for open eyes. But I leave you with one last request. Please take God's word to heart when it comes to any kind of relationship. John 15:9-17 :9 Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. 12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another.
Love as it was commanded. Hug and kiss your little ones. Tell your spouse you love them. Spend time with friends and ask them how they really are. Listen and love with all the might of God. Please know that I will pray whoever reads this will have a lasting relationship with Jesus Christ, our beloved brother, so that we can have an everlasting relationship with our heavenly father!
a condition found in children who have received grossly negligent care and do not form a healthy emotional attachment with their primary caregivers -- usually their mothers -- before age 5.
There are two types of RAD. Inhibited and Disinhibited. I believe I am getting very versed in the first. Now as we began looking into foster care and adoption, I began to hear this term a lot. I even did a very minimal research into it. I decided at that point, it couldn't happen to us. We were not going to have that in a child we were going to consider. Well, as you know, God likes to see your face when He says this is what you are going to do. Yes, I admit, I'm a stubborn child. I stomp my feet, kick & cry, and down right ignore what he says.
God changes your heart as you go through certain circumstances. I truly believe now this child was placed in our home so we could help her overcome her past, see what a relationship with a parent looks like. This Saturday (Jan 25) she has been with us for 3 months. The first month was an adjustment period. The second month was a rebellion month. Both months have taught me something new. I can only say that as I look back and not as I was going through it. In our child, RAD looks something like this: Temper tantrums in an almost 13 year old. Crying for no reason other than to get attention. Hiding food and disobeying at any given time. Running away because of anger. "Threatening" suicide. Arguing with siblings and parents because it made sense at the time. During all these situations the stated child is unable to be consoled, reasoned with, or talked to.
Imagine if you will, your child that has been with you since birth. You have given that child all the love and attention they needed. There are no other psychological issues. Your child has grown up with a core belief of what is right and wrong. The child has gone from infant to toddler to preteen with minimal out-of-the ordinary tantrums. Now imagine a child that has been left to fend for themselves. They have not been taught "common sense" items. They don't understand what it is to be told no but still be loved. They don't understand that when they have a tantrum you will still love them but will give them discipline and guidance to help them grow into a healthy adult. So instead, this same child continues to throw "fits" even though they desperately may want nothing more than your love and devotion. All the while, they are pushing your further away because that is what they have come to learn. It doesn't matter how much they say they love me because when I'm bad, they will get rid of me and stop loving me. There is no healthy relationship because somewhere in their past, they were neglected or weren't able to have a loving, healthy emotional attachment to a primary caregiver.
Not every child in foster care has RAD. As a matter of fact, only a select few actually have it. However it does seem more prevalent in the foster care system. As I read an article on http://cswr.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/2012_vol3_pg63_balasingham-1.pdf, I saw that only 1% of children under age five are diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. It goes on to say that about 40% of children in foster care and 50% of children adopted from orphanages have this disorder. To me, this is an astounding number! If all 3 of my children were adopted from an orphanage, at least 1 1/2 would have a form of RAD. Does that even seem right?!?
As I contemplate these numbers, I find myself questioning many things. Why? Why do these children have to suffer so much. Why does my heart hurt so badly for them? What? What is God placing on my heart to do? What will happen to the future of our children if the number of foster care children increases? If RAD compromises a child's ability to have a healthy relationship with anyone, will this also increase other rates like divorces? Think about it, if you can't have a good, strong, emotionally healthy relationship with a parent, how would you be able to have one with a mate? What would you teach your children if you had them?
Now let's look at what the child is possibly thinking. Why doesn't anyone love me? I know they don't love me because they are not meeting my needs. This person doesn't feed me. They don't give me the physical attention I need. They can't communicate with me. I don't want to talk to them. I know they like me but I can't be good all the time. I'm easily frustrated and I don't know how to deal with it. That's ok, I'll just hit or scream at whoever makes me frustrated or angry.
Maybe this is why God has called me to this foster care thing. He is opening my eyes to what He sees. Having two children of my own whom I love with a deep passion and have always tried to give them what they need, I couldn't imagine much outside of this. Isn't this how life is supposed to be? Every mother feels this way, right? Unfortunately, I know one child that didn't feel that way. It has been a difficult yet rewarding few months. My husband's family has seen the effect it has had on me and my children. My husband and I have been so frustrated and out of control, we have had to call in many reinforcements to help us. Yes, this child has yelled at us. She has cussed at us. She has decided to run away. There was even a time with this child hurt my son. (Side note: Later found out, my children may have egged them on a little ;-}) This particular child also was gone from us for a week because of some actions and a few threatening words. My heart hurts to think this child hadn't been loved when they were little and finds it very difficult to make a healthy emotional attachment.
Now, all this is said with a few things in mind. Things are changing folks! With more security, the attachments being made in this home are truly coming along. The girls are making very small baby steps towards becoming sisters, fighting and all. All three children can play together on a good day for 30 minutes or so. The temper tantrums are becoming less and less. God is making His presence known more and more. Each of us is still truly adjusting. I know it is a long road ahead of us. I am encouraged though as I hear from others outside of the family, such as case managers and therapists, that say they have seen our family change in many ways. They also say, knowing this child for several years, they haven't seen her have as big of an attachment to a family as she does with us! Many who know her have also said she seems happier and more relaxed. This my dear friends is nothing short of a miracle. God knows what he's doing, even if you think He's wrong.
I ask, dear friends and readers, to be in constant prayer. Pray for us as a family. Pray for our children. Pray for open eyes. But I leave you with one last request. Please take God's word to heart when it comes to any kind of relationship. John 15:9-17 :9 Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. 12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another.
Love as it was commanded. Hug and kiss your little ones. Tell your spouse you love them. Spend time with friends and ask them how they really are. Listen and love with all the might of God. Please know that I will pray whoever reads this will have a lasting relationship with Jesus Christ, our beloved brother, so that we can have an everlasting relationship with our heavenly father!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Family
Family....
The best thing and the most frustrating thing! Those that read this and truly know me will know how this is true for me. After Rick & I went through our marriage issues, I'm having to branch out to my family. This is the only way I will change and continue to get closer to Christ.
Those that don't know me and only know what I write might be wondering what in the world I'm talking about. So a very short history of my family. I am the 3rd oldest of many children (combined family). There is Clint, Jeremy, me, Jackie, Kyle, Ryan, Joe, Kipp, and Jamie. I haven't always talked to each of them and I still don't talk to a few of them. I wish I could say I was closer to all of them. Some of it is because I was a very selfish person. Some of it is because they were/are selfish too. We all have our faults and we all have our good points. Growing up with such a combined/blended family was very difficult.
However, I am slowly realizing I'm needing to contact each one of them and tell them sorry in some way or another. As I raise my children, things and priorities are changing. I tell them, "it doesn't matter who does what, if you do something wrong (even on accident) you need to apologize." How are they going to learn to repent and change if I don't. Who teaches them? Me or the world. I guarantee the world won't teach them the Christian way. It is my duty as their mother. To that, who will teach them to forgive if I don't?
I have been very blessed to be married to a man that has a big close family. They are teaching me in many ways what it is to love so completely and deeply. Coming from a lot of stress and heartache, I love this! I only hope that God will allow me to show each of my siblings how much I love them. If He has other plans, I only pray then that I will have the foresight to lean on him and not throw a temper-tantrum.
Christmas is a time for hope. It is a time to reflect. God sent his son. He came down from heaven to a manger. That is how much he loved us. He wants a relationship with us. He wants us to have a relationship with others in His name! Because I want to have a closer relationship with HIM, I will strive to have a closer relationship with my family. I know it won't be easy but with Christ, I have all the hope I will need.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
The best thing and the most frustrating thing! Those that read this and truly know me will know how this is true for me. After Rick & I went through our marriage issues, I'm having to branch out to my family. This is the only way I will change and continue to get closer to Christ.
Those that don't know me and only know what I write might be wondering what in the world I'm talking about. So a very short history of my family. I am the 3rd oldest of many children (combined family). There is Clint, Jeremy, me, Jackie, Kyle, Ryan, Joe, Kipp, and Jamie. I haven't always talked to each of them and I still don't talk to a few of them. I wish I could say I was closer to all of them. Some of it is because I was a very selfish person. Some of it is because they were/are selfish too. We all have our faults and we all have our good points. Growing up with such a combined/blended family was very difficult.
However, I am slowly realizing I'm needing to contact each one of them and tell them sorry in some way or another. As I raise my children, things and priorities are changing. I tell them, "it doesn't matter who does what, if you do something wrong (even on accident) you need to apologize." How are they going to learn to repent and change if I don't. Who teaches them? Me or the world. I guarantee the world won't teach them the Christian way. It is my duty as their mother. To that, who will teach them to forgive if I don't?
I have been very blessed to be married to a man that has a big close family. They are teaching me in many ways what it is to love so completely and deeply. Coming from a lot of stress and heartache, I love this! I only hope that God will allow me to show each of my siblings how much I love them. If He has other plans, I only pray then that I will have the foresight to lean on him and not throw a temper-tantrum.
Christmas is a time for hope. It is a time to reflect. God sent his son. He came down from heaven to a manger. That is how much he loved us. He wants a relationship with us. He wants us to have a relationship with others in His name! Because I want to have a closer relationship with HIM, I will strive to have a closer relationship with my family. I know it won't be easy but with Christ, I have all the hope I will need.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Changing, Stretching
I don't know where to start. Things here the last few months have just been crazy like I suspected they would be. Football, baseball, volleyball. These are the sports my children participated in for September and October. As a mom, I say my children did a GREAT job at their sports.
If you give God your life, fully expect him to take over every aspect of it. I have personally seen God move mountains when he wants them moved. When Rick and I went through our marriage problems and we told God to take over I never expected him to move and change us the way He has. One thing you must know, a contention in our marriage was foster care and adoption. Rick said from the very beginning that our next child would be brought to us and someone would be looking for us. Honestly, I didn't think this would happen. So when we were approved for respite care I thought that was the end of it. I had no clue my life and the life of my family would be changed quite rapidly after that.
On October 7, Rick received a phone call from one of the pastors at our church. Mind you, this was a Monday and Rick was off work. I was out for a walk with the daycare kiddos. He was asking if we would be interested in foster care for a young girl. Without consulting me, Rick said yes. He told me as soon as I got home what had happened. I asked several questions but he didn't know the answers as he hadn't asked. Several days passed before we would hear anymore about this child. On Friday of that week, we had several calls between myself, the child's caseworker, a teacher, and the place this child was staying. It was set. We, as a family, would meet with this child on Monday, October 14 for a "pre-placement" visit. That Monday, I received a call from the "facility" saying this child had poison ivy and was quarantined for 24 hours. So we made plans for the next day. Due to conflicting schedules, Rick had to meet with this girl before the rest of us. He called me and said we would love her. She was shy and would take a while to warm up to us. Later that evening, the kids and I went and met this girl. She did take quite a while to warm up to us but once she did, she talked nonstop.
Friday, October 18th at 6:00 pm, we brought "L" home to our family for a weekend. With no major episodes, we enjoyed the weekend. We went to church, came home and prepared to take her back to her placement. Let me just tell you, that was the hardest thing in the world to do. Rick & Zech stayed home while Amber and I took L back. As we said our goodbyes I had this overwhelming feeling it wasn't right. L cried and wasn't ready to go back. We could hear her behind a door getting upset. She was crying because we had given her something and she wasn't allowed to take it to her room until it had been approved by the supervisor on duty. The supervisor wasn't available as she had been called into another meeting as we arrived. After her therapist got her calmed down, Amber & I left. Upon leaving, both of us made it to the car and just broke down. I hated leaving her knowing she was upset.
I spoke with the therapist the day after. All of us had returned to somewhat normal. Rick & I decided this child would be good for us to do foster care for. On October 25, 2013 L came to stay with us. For three weeks now, we have added a 12 year old girl into our family. We have had good days and bad days. Fortunately, the good have outnumbered the bad. We are all still adjusting to our different family dynamics. I won't say this has been an easy road. I sometimes feel like I'm crazy for doing this. I also have felt like I couldn't do it another day or hour.
Rick & I have talked about whether or not we are doing the right thing. Is this right for our children? Is this right for L? Is it right for us? Where do we draw the line? How do you adjust to having a third child? How do we continue to take care of our family and not leave someone out? All of our conclusions have come back to the same answer. We keep persevering towards what God is leading us into. We have prayed about it. We have talked to Amber & Zech about it. God is stretching us. He is changing us. We are growing closer as a family. I don't know if this will lead to adoption or not. I do know that I will listen to God. I will stand in my faith that He is in control. I will praise him during the storm, thank him when I get a rainbow and sing glory to his name when I can. Not only is God changing my life and my family's life, He's changing hers too!
This Thanksgiving season, take a few seconds everyday to thank God for all you have. If you are going through a storm, know God is just stretching you. He is close. He holds you in His hands. If you are seeing a rainbow, praise Him for the insight you have gained. On Thanksgiving Day, sing glory to God. He has you here for a reason. Take the time to thank him for it!
If you give God your life, fully expect him to take over every aspect of it. I have personally seen God move mountains when he wants them moved. When Rick and I went through our marriage problems and we told God to take over I never expected him to move and change us the way He has. One thing you must know, a contention in our marriage was foster care and adoption. Rick said from the very beginning that our next child would be brought to us and someone would be looking for us. Honestly, I didn't think this would happen. So when we were approved for respite care I thought that was the end of it. I had no clue my life and the life of my family would be changed quite rapidly after that.
On October 7, Rick received a phone call from one of the pastors at our church. Mind you, this was a Monday and Rick was off work. I was out for a walk with the daycare kiddos. He was asking if we would be interested in foster care for a young girl. Without consulting me, Rick said yes. He told me as soon as I got home what had happened. I asked several questions but he didn't know the answers as he hadn't asked. Several days passed before we would hear anymore about this child. On Friday of that week, we had several calls between myself, the child's caseworker, a teacher, and the place this child was staying. It was set. We, as a family, would meet with this child on Monday, October 14 for a "pre-placement" visit. That Monday, I received a call from the "facility" saying this child had poison ivy and was quarantined for 24 hours. So we made plans for the next day. Due to conflicting schedules, Rick had to meet with this girl before the rest of us. He called me and said we would love her. She was shy and would take a while to warm up to us. Later that evening, the kids and I went and met this girl. She did take quite a while to warm up to us but once she did, she talked nonstop.
Friday, October 18th at 6:00 pm, we brought "L" home to our family for a weekend. With no major episodes, we enjoyed the weekend. We went to church, came home and prepared to take her back to her placement. Let me just tell you, that was the hardest thing in the world to do. Rick & Zech stayed home while Amber and I took L back. As we said our goodbyes I had this overwhelming feeling it wasn't right. L cried and wasn't ready to go back. We could hear her behind a door getting upset. She was crying because we had given her something and she wasn't allowed to take it to her room until it had been approved by the supervisor on duty. The supervisor wasn't available as she had been called into another meeting as we arrived. After her therapist got her calmed down, Amber & I left. Upon leaving, both of us made it to the car and just broke down. I hated leaving her knowing she was upset.
I spoke with the therapist the day after. All of us had returned to somewhat normal. Rick & I decided this child would be good for us to do foster care for. On October 25, 2013 L came to stay with us. For three weeks now, we have added a 12 year old girl into our family. We have had good days and bad days. Fortunately, the good have outnumbered the bad. We are all still adjusting to our different family dynamics. I won't say this has been an easy road. I sometimes feel like I'm crazy for doing this. I also have felt like I couldn't do it another day or hour.
Rick & I have talked about whether or not we are doing the right thing. Is this right for our children? Is this right for L? Is it right for us? Where do we draw the line? How do you adjust to having a third child? How do we continue to take care of our family and not leave someone out? All of our conclusions have come back to the same answer. We keep persevering towards what God is leading us into. We have prayed about it. We have talked to Amber & Zech about it. God is stretching us. He is changing us. We are growing closer as a family. I don't know if this will lead to adoption or not. I do know that I will listen to God. I will stand in my faith that He is in control. I will praise him during the storm, thank him when I get a rainbow and sing glory to his name when I can. Not only is God changing my life and my family's life, He's changing hers too!
This Thanksgiving season, take a few seconds everyday to thank God for all you have. If you are going through a storm, know God is just stretching you. He is close. He holds you in His hands. If you are seeing a rainbow, praise Him for the insight you have gained. On Thanksgiving Day, sing glory to God. He has you here for a reason. Take the time to thank him for it!
Friday, August 30, 2013
July/August...Into September We Go...
Goodness. That is all I can say. It has been a very fast-paced couple of months. It seems like it was just a day or two ago that my son's ball team was winning the tournament completely undefeated. Amber went to camp and back. She completed summer volleyball and loved it!
We spent most of July with family. Of course, between the 4th of July and our vacation it was hard not too. Rick & Amber spent their traditional evening at home on the 4th while Zechariah and I went to the lake for fireworks. This has become a tradition since Amber was young. She doesn't like hearing the fireworks if they are loud. However, I think secretly, she just likes her alone time with her daddy! Zech has always loved the fireworks (typical boy) and would set them off for a week if I would let him. So, we go to the lake with Rick's family and have a great time.
The middle of July was also full of adventure. We all got to experience an Amtrak train for the first time. While the joy of that ride never fully left, it was so cold at night, we cuddled up as much as we could so we could share blankets. The ride to Chicago was good but the ride to DC was even better. Both of the kids met some others their age and they all played Uno in the dining/observation car. While Amber would rather have listened to her music, Zech was all about the little girl he met and staying with her. It was so comical. They even called each other for a few weeks after our trip to talk. Yes, my son did get her digits.
We all had so much fun on our vacation. Going to DC was great but the food at Legal Seafood was even better! Then Rick had a blast visiting Gettysburg and taking the bus tour! His eyes light up so much when it concerns anything history. I probably would never say this to him but even I enjoyed seeing it. Our best adventure though came from Zechariah.
As a mom, you never expect to see your son running then rolling down a hill while in the mountains. This is exactly what happened though. Zech and his Uncle AJ went for a little walk up a hill in the mountains. Shenandoah National Park is also home to bears. Needless to say, my son thought he saw and heard one. The biggest rule is to never RUN from a bear. Apparently, Zech doesn't listen to this. As he went a little further in, he heard the sound again and then they thought they heard a twig snap. This was enough for my son. All I heard was him screaming. I looked up just in time to see him running down the hill, trip over something and start rolling for the edge and boulder that was in his way. Thankfully, I ran out of the van and his uncle is WAY faster than I am. Uncle AJ saved the day by running up behind Zech, picking him up after a couple of tumbles and safely brought him to me. Zech came out with minor bumps and bruises. Praise God he didn't have any broken bones or a concussion. All-in-all, I think our vacation was good but I am definitely looking forward to going back to Colorado next year!
Of course, as soon as we got home, we had to start thinking about going back to school. The first day of school has come and went. My kids are getting so big. I can't even believe I have a 3rd grader and 7th grader. It doesn't seem like I'm getting any older but my kids sure are! We have now been in school for 3 weeks. Zech seems to be adjusting well to not being at home during the day. He is very resilient. Amber is also doing well. She tried out for the volleyball team and made "A" team!! This is quite an accomplishment and I couldn't be prouder!!
That being said, I think I should move on to the foster care portion. Before we left for vacation, we had been denied for full foster care. WE were requesting to do respite care. About 3 weeks ago, I received a phone call from the state. They were calling to schedule our walk through to do respite care! That has also been done. Rick & I are working on finishing up the last little details for that. The kids' bedrooms needed to have a step less that 44 inches from the bottom of the windows in their rooms. Thankfully, the representative gave some advice for this and we will be using nightstands and attaching them to the walls!
With all of this happening in July and August, I can only imagine what September will bring. I already know we will be busy with football, baseball, and volleyball. We also have bible studies going on and then hopefully my Pampered Chef business will pick up as well. I can't even begin to wrap my head around everything yet. I'm also praying for God's will regarding respite care, foster care, and adoption. I know that HE will keep me at peace with whatever happens!!!
We spent most of July with family. Of course, between the 4th of July and our vacation it was hard not too. Rick & Amber spent their traditional evening at home on the 4th while Zechariah and I went to the lake for fireworks. This has become a tradition since Amber was young. She doesn't like hearing the fireworks if they are loud. However, I think secretly, she just likes her alone time with her daddy! Zech has always loved the fireworks (typical boy) and would set them off for a week if I would let him. So, we go to the lake with Rick's family and have a great time.
The middle of July was also full of adventure. We all got to experience an Amtrak train for the first time. While the joy of that ride never fully left, it was so cold at night, we cuddled up as much as we could so we could share blankets. The ride to Chicago was good but the ride to DC was even better. Both of the kids met some others their age and they all played Uno in the dining/observation car. While Amber would rather have listened to her music, Zech was all about the little girl he met and staying with her. It was so comical. They even called each other for a few weeks after our trip to talk. Yes, my son did get her digits.
We all had so much fun on our vacation. Going to DC was great but the food at Legal Seafood was even better! Then Rick had a blast visiting Gettysburg and taking the bus tour! His eyes light up so much when it concerns anything history. I probably would never say this to him but even I enjoyed seeing it. Our best adventure though came from Zechariah.
As a mom, you never expect to see your son running then rolling down a hill while in the mountains. This is exactly what happened though. Zech and his Uncle AJ went for a little walk up a hill in the mountains. Shenandoah National Park is also home to bears. Needless to say, my son thought he saw and heard one. The biggest rule is to never RUN from a bear. Apparently, Zech doesn't listen to this. As he went a little further in, he heard the sound again and then they thought they heard a twig snap. This was enough for my son. All I heard was him screaming. I looked up just in time to see him running down the hill, trip over something and start rolling for the edge and boulder that was in his way. Thankfully, I ran out of the van and his uncle is WAY faster than I am. Uncle AJ saved the day by running up behind Zech, picking him up after a couple of tumbles and safely brought him to me. Zech came out with minor bumps and bruises. Praise God he didn't have any broken bones or a concussion. All-in-all, I think our vacation was good but I am definitely looking forward to going back to Colorado next year!
Of course, as soon as we got home, we had to start thinking about going back to school. The first day of school has come and went. My kids are getting so big. I can't even believe I have a 3rd grader and 7th grader. It doesn't seem like I'm getting any older but my kids sure are! We have now been in school for 3 weeks. Zech seems to be adjusting well to not being at home during the day. He is very resilient. Amber is also doing well. She tried out for the volleyball team and made "A" team!! This is quite an accomplishment and I couldn't be prouder!!
That being said, I think I should move on to the foster care portion. Before we left for vacation, we had been denied for full foster care. WE were requesting to do respite care. About 3 weeks ago, I received a phone call from the state. They were calling to schedule our walk through to do respite care! That has also been done. Rick & I are working on finishing up the last little details for that. The kids' bedrooms needed to have a step less that 44 inches from the bottom of the windows in their rooms. Thankfully, the representative gave some advice for this and we will be using nightstands and attaching them to the walls!
With all of this happening in July and August, I can only imagine what September will bring. I already know we will be busy with football, baseball, and volleyball. We also have bible studies going on and then hopefully my Pampered Chef business will pick up as well. I can't even begin to wrap my head around everything yet. I'm also praying for God's will regarding respite care, foster care, and adoption. I know that HE will keep me at peace with whatever happens!!!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Can this really be happening??
Another month has gone by and ball season in almost complete. My son's team finished their regular season play 14-0, UNDEFEATED!!! This was not an easy season for him as he went through a slump with his batting. However, he has ended the last couple of games with major hits to the outfield and some extremely nice plays at 2nd base! I, as his mother, am very proud of what he has done to make changes and continue to keep with it even during the hard times.
Then there's my daughter. After hurting her hand during the first session of volleyball and being out for a few weeks, she got right back at it! The 2nd session of volleyball went very well. The team struggled for the first week but quickly learned they needed to PLAY as a team! By the third week, they won the matches they played! My daughter really tired hard to make sure her serves were right on target! She even spent an hour with me at the school park just practicing serves for her game! This girl has focus and is determined to play well next year in 7th grade.
So far, daycare is going quite swimmingly! As of August, I will be as full as I hope to be. While my children will be in school, I will have 3 infants and 2 toddlers to take care of between 7:30 am and 5:30 pm. The good news is that I will only have most of them part time. However, I love seeing each one of them and watching them grow. I'm sure there will be days where I will scratch my head and wonder what in the world I was thinking but I also know that my heart will rejoice!
The next several weeks are going to be busy and interesting. This Friday, I will be closing daycare so I can go to St. Louis, MO for Upward Training! Next week, I will close for the July 4th holiday, and then work for a week. Following that full week in July, I will be on vacation with my wonderful family to Virginia by way of train! I feel like with all this going on, I may just need that vacation and then maybe one away from everyone after that! Ok, not really but it sounds good!
The Lord has been very patient with me over the last few weeks. My patience towards adoption and foster care has been on the short leash. We found out Rick had to have his fingerprints ran a second time because the first set was illegible. That took a little over a month to go through. Within a few days, we found out the next step would be the state doing a walkthrough and getting the daycare exception approved by the state so I could do both daycare and foster care. Throughout this process, I have been pretty peaceful with what has been happening and how it has been happening. However, I hit a big roadblock this last week. Because I hadn't heard anything from either the state or our caseworker, I called emailed her to see if I was supposed to do anything or if she had heard something. She said she would check and get back to me. On Wednesday last week she called me early in the morning. Turns out the exception to the daycare had been denied. We were not approved to do foster care and the state would not be going through our home. I was DEVASTATED. I literally had 1 child napping, 1 child playing, 1 child at camp in Hutchinson, and 1 child at camp in Topeka. I quietly went to my room and cried. I cried so hard because I just didn't understand. Why would God bring me down this road if it wasn't going to happen? Why didn't I just listen to Rick? Was he right? I can't have more children. I can't do foster care. Adoption has already been said no to by my husband. Am I that inadequate? Een as I sit here and write this, I have tears in my eyes. I feel hurt and confused.
I called Rick and tried to inform him. Silly me, don't call your husband crying because he thinks something happened to your children. I was shocked and he thought I was nuts! After all the daycare children went home and my 1 child was in his bed, Rick and I talked. The caseworker had emailed a short reason why we were not approved. In the state of Kansas, if you have a daycare, you may only do foster care if: 1) A child(ren) or child(ren)’s family is known to the daycare provider and is in need of a foster home or 2) The daycare provider has been identified as a possible adoptive resource for a child(ren) in foster care 3)A child(ren) enrolled in the daycare is in need of a foster home OR 4) The daycare provider only wants to provide respite care per KAR 28-4-812 and this is noted on the exception.
While this doesn't make sense in my own head, I'm sure it makes sense in someone elses. So while I was mulling this over, Rick & I prayed about it. I just honestly didn't even know where to go with it. It seems like we have been on this road forever but I know it's only been a short time. Is there where this ends? I don't have the answer to that and neither does Rick. I know God has an answer though. On Sunday, I spoke with a pastor at church about this. After speaking with him and then again with Rick, we have decided to try for respite care. Something you must know though, when we started this whole process about a year ago, Rick had always said, if I knew the child I was adopting I would have no problem letting them enter my home. I find it entertaining that God is slowly narrowing this path from adoption, to foster care to respite care. For those of you who don't know what respite care is, in a nutshell it means we are trying to be licensed as a family that will "watch" other foster care's children when they need a short break. This typically means keeping them for a weekend but possibly up to a week or more if it is approved through the childs caseworker. So while this is not the path I thought I was going to be on at this point, I think God is slowly helping me see HIS path. It has been a long process but I know that whatever happens, it is truly God's doing.
I may be devastated and cry. I may be ecstatic and jumping for joy. I may be just surviving. Whatever it is, I can do it! I can do this because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! (Phil 4:13)
It may not be pretty and I may need someone to carry me but I will get through yet another bump in the road. I will finish my race for Christ strong and leaning on HIM!
Then there's my daughter. After hurting her hand during the first session of volleyball and being out for a few weeks, she got right back at it! The 2nd session of volleyball went very well. The team struggled for the first week but quickly learned they needed to PLAY as a team! By the third week, they won the matches they played! My daughter really tired hard to make sure her serves were right on target! She even spent an hour with me at the school park just practicing serves for her game! This girl has focus and is determined to play well next year in 7th grade.
So far, daycare is going quite swimmingly! As of August, I will be as full as I hope to be. While my children will be in school, I will have 3 infants and 2 toddlers to take care of between 7:30 am and 5:30 pm. The good news is that I will only have most of them part time. However, I love seeing each one of them and watching them grow. I'm sure there will be days where I will scratch my head and wonder what in the world I was thinking but I also know that my heart will rejoice!
The next several weeks are going to be busy and interesting. This Friday, I will be closing daycare so I can go to St. Louis, MO for Upward Training! Next week, I will close for the July 4th holiday, and then work for a week. Following that full week in July, I will be on vacation with my wonderful family to Virginia by way of train! I feel like with all this going on, I may just need that vacation and then maybe one away from everyone after that! Ok, not really but it sounds good!
The Lord has been very patient with me over the last few weeks. My patience towards adoption and foster care has been on the short leash. We found out Rick had to have his fingerprints ran a second time because the first set was illegible. That took a little over a month to go through. Within a few days, we found out the next step would be the state doing a walkthrough and getting the daycare exception approved by the state so I could do both daycare and foster care. Throughout this process, I have been pretty peaceful with what has been happening and how it has been happening. However, I hit a big roadblock this last week. Because I hadn't heard anything from either the state or our caseworker, I called emailed her to see if I was supposed to do anything or if she had heard something. She said she would check and get back to me. On Wednesday last week she called me early in the morning. Turns out the exception to the daycare had been denied. We were not approved to do foster care and the state would not be going through our home. I was DEVASTATED. I literally had 1 child napping, 1 child playing, 1 child at camp in Hutchinson, and 1 child at camp in Topeka. I quietly went to my room and cried. I cried so hard because I just didn't understand. Why would God bring me down this road if it wasn't going to happen? Why didn't I just listen to Rick? Was he right? I can't have more children. I can't do foster care. Adoption has already been said no to by my husband. Am I that inadequate? Een as I sit here and write this, I have tears in my eyes. I feel hurt and confused.
I called Rick and tried to inform him. Silly me, don't call your husband crying because he thinks something happened to your children. I was shocked and he thought I was nuts! After all the daycare children went home and my 1 child was in his bed, Rick and I talked. The caseworker had emailed a short reason why we were not approved. In the state of Kansas, if you have a daycare, you may only do foster care if: 1) A child(ren) or child(ren)’s family is known to the daycare provider and is in need of a foster home or 2) The daycare provider has been identified as a possible adoptive resource for a child(ren) in foster care 3)A child(ren) enrolled in the daycare is in need of a foster home OR 4) The daycare provider only wants to provide respite care per KAR 28-4-812 and this is noted on the exception.
While this doesn't make sense in my own head, I'm sure it makes sense in someone elses. So while I was mulling this over, Rick & I prayed about it. I just honestly didn't even know where to go with it. It seems like we have been on this road forever but I know it's only been a short time. Is there where this ends? I don't have the answer to that and neither does Rick. I know God has an answer though. On Sunday, I spoke with a pastor at church about this. After speaking with him and then again with Rick, we have decided to try for respite care. Something you must know though, when we started this whole process about a year ago, Rick had always said, if I knew the child I was adopting I would have no problem letting them enter my home. I find it entertaining that God is slowly narrowing this path from adoption, to foster care to respite care. For those of you who don't know what respite care is, in a nutshell it means we are trying to be licensed as a family that will "watch" other foster care's children when they need a short break. This typically means keeping them for a weekend but possibly up to a week or more if it is approved through the childs caseworker. So while this is not the path I thought I was going to be on at this point, I think God is slowly helping me see HIS path. It has been a long process but I know that whatever happens, it is truly God's doing.
I may be devastated and cry. I may be ecstatic and jumping for joy. I may be just surviving. Whatever it is, I can do it! I can do this because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! (Phil 4:13)
It may not be pretty and I may need someone to carry me but I will get through yet another bump in the road. I will finish my race for Christ strong and leaning on HIM!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Who Is Watching?
During nap today, I took out my bible. I have a new plan to read and I'm going to try to keep up with it.
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for the man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart."
The devotion to go with the was comparing your life's bloopers with others' highlight reels. It struck me for some reason today. I take care of my children, and 2other children during daycare hours. Soon, I will also have another 2 to keep me busy during the day. Someone is always watching me.
Sometimes, I say things I don't mean, especially to my children. It even occurs when I speak to people on just a daily basis. My tongue is a very wicked tool. When others look at my life, I would love for them to see just the "highlight reel". Unfortunately, I have many people that I consider to be very close to me and they know all my bloopers. I also like to be transparent with many people. That being said, it is good to know that God knows my heart and all its intentions. So even though I may do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, or act negatively, but my God knows my heart. He understands if the intention was good. He knows if I am truly being cruel or just "tongue-tied".
He knew I would mess up. He knew I would do that daily. He knew my children and others around me would wonder. However, he loved me enough to send his son, Jesus Christ, for ME! I can not sing my praise or say enough how thankful I am for that.
My challenge to everyone for today, tomorrow, and the following year: Try to see what God sees not what Man sees. Even if you only do it once, step back, evaluate, and proceed with caution. Your reel could be amazing to someone watching you. Keep in mind, as long as you have Christ as your Savior, your reel is AWESOME to GOD!!!
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for the man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart."
The devotion to go with the was comparing your life's bloopers with others' highlight reels. It struck me for some reason today. I take care of my children, and 2other children during daycare hours. Soon, I will also have another 2 to keep me busy during the day. Someone is always watching me.
Sometimes, I say things I don't mean, especially to my children. It even occurs when I speak to people on just a daily basis. My tongue is a very wicked tool. When others look at my life, I would love for them to see just the "highlight reel". Unfortunately, I have many people that I consider to be very close to me and they know all my bloopers. I also like to be transparent with many people. That being said, it is good to know that God knows my heart and all its intentions. So even though I may do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, or act negatively, but my God knows my heart. He understands if the intention was good. He knows if I am truly being cruel or just "tongue-tied".
He knew I would mess up. He knew I would do that daily. He knew my children and others around me would wonder. However, he loved me enough to send his son, Jesus Christ, for ME! I can not sing my praise or say enough how thankful I am for that.
My challenge to everyone for today, tomorrow, and the following year: Try to see what God sees not what Man sees. Even if you only do it once, step back, evaluate, and proceed with caution. Your reel could be amazing to someone watching you. Keep in mind, as long as you have Christ as your Savior, your reel is AWESOME to GOD!!!
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