Another month has gone by and ball season in almost complete. My son's team finished their regular season play 14-0, UNDEFEATED!!! This was not an easy season for him as he went through a slump with his batting. However, he has ended the last couple of games with major hits to the outfield and some extremely nice plays at 2nd base! I, as his mother, am very proud of what he has done to make changes and continue to keep with it even during the hard times.
Then there's my daughter. After hurting her hand during the first session of volleyball and being out for a few weeks, she got right back at it! The 2nd session of volleyball went very well. The team struggled for the first week but quickly learned they needed to PLAY as a team! By the third week, they won the matches they played! My daughter really tired hard to make sure her serves were right on target! She even spent an hour with me at the school park just practicing serves for her game! This girl has focus and is determined to play well next year in 7th grade.
So far, daycare is going quite swimmingly! As of August, I will be as full as I hope to be. While my children will be in school, I will have 3 infants and 2 toddlers to take care of between 7:30 am and 5:30 pm. The good news is that I will only have most of them part time. However, I love seeing each one of them and watching them grow. I'm sure there will be days where I will scratch my head and wonder what in the world I was thinking but I also know that my heart will rejoice!
The next several weeks are going to be busy and interesting. This Friday, I will be closing daycare so I can go to St. Louis, MO for Upward Training! Next week, I will close for the July 4th holiday, and then work for a week. Following that full week in July, I will be on vacation with my wonderful family to Virginia by way of train! I feel like with all this going on, I may just need that vacation and then maybe one away from everyone after that! Ok, not really but it sounds good!
The Lord has been very patient with me over the last few weeks. My patience towards adoption and foster care has been on the short leash. We found out Rick had to have his fingerprints ran a second time because the first set was illegible. That took a little over a month to go through. Within a few days, we found out the next step would be the state doing a walkthrough and getting the daycare exception approved by the state so I could do both daycare and foster care. Throughout this process, I have been pretty peaceful with what has been happening and how it has been happening. However, I hit a big roadblock this last week. Because I hadn't heard anything from either the state or our caseworker, I called emailed her to see if I was supposed to do anything or if she had heard something. She said she would check and get back to me. On Wednesday last week she called me early in the morning. Turns out the exception to the daycare had been denied. We were not approved to do foster care and the state would not be going through our home. I was DEVASTATED. I literally had 1 child napping, 1 child playing, 1 child at camp in Hutchinson, and 1 child at camp in Topeka. I quietly went to my room and cried. I cried so hard because I just didn't understand. Why would God bring me down this road if it wasn't going to happen? Why didn't I just listen to Rick? Was he right? I can't have more children. I can't do foster care. Adoption has already been said no to by my husband. Am I that inadequate? Een as I sit here and write this, I have tears in my eyes. I feel hurt and confused.
I called Rick and tried to inform him. Silly me, don't call your husband crying because he thinks something happened to your children. I was shocked and he thought I was nuts! After all the daycare children went home and my 1 child was in his bed, Rick and I talked. The caseworker had emailed a short reason why we were not approved. In the state of Kansas, if you have a daycare, you may only do foster care if: 1) A child(ren) or child(ren)’s family is known to the daycare provider and is in need of a foster home or 2) The daycare provider has been identified as a possible adoptive resource for a child(ren) in foster care 3)A child(ren) enrolled in the daycare is in need of a foster home OR 4) The daycare provider only wants to provide respite care per KAR 28-4-812 and this is noted on the exception.
While this doesn't make sense in my own head, I'm sure it makes sense in someone elses. So while I was mulling this over, Rick & I prayed about it. I just honestly didn't even know where to go with it. It seems like we have been on this road forever but I know it's only been a short time. Is there where this ends? I don't have the answer to that and neither does Rick. I know God has an answer though. On Sunday, I spoke with a pastor at church about this. After speaking with him and then again with Rick, we have decided to try for respite care. Something you must know though, when we started this whole process about a year ago, Rick had always said, if I knew the child I was adopting I would have no problem letting them enter my home. I find it entertaining that God is slowly narrowing this path from adoption, to foster care to respite care. For those of you who don't know what respite care is, in a nutshell it means we are trying to be licensed as a family that will "watch" other foster care's children when they need a short break. This typically means keeping them for a weekend but possibly up to a week or more if it is approved through the childs caseworker. So while this is not the path I thought I was going to be on at this point, I think God is slowly helping me see HIS path. It has been a long process but I know that whatever happens, it is truly God's doing.
I may be devastated and cry. I may be ecstatic and jumping for joy. I may be just surviving. Whatever it is, I can do it! I can do this because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!! (Phil 4:13)
It may not be pretty and I may need someone to carry me but I will get through yet another bump in the road. I will finish my race for Christ strong and leaning on HIM!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Who Is Watching?
During nap today, I took out my bible. I have a new plan to read and I'm going to try to keep up with it.
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for the man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart."
The devotion to go with the was comparing your life's bloopers with others' highlight reels. It struck me for some reason today. I take care of my children, and 2other children during daycare hours. Soon, I will also have another 2 to keep me busy during the day. Someone is always watching me.
Sometimes, I say things I don't mean, especially to my children. It even occurs when I speak to people on just a daily basis. My tongue is a very wicked tool. When others look at my life, I would love for them to see just the "highlight reel". Unfortunately, I have many people that I consider to be very close to me and they know all my bloopers. I also like to be transparent with many people. That being said, it is good to know that God knows my heart and all its intentions. So even though I may do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, or act negatively, but my God knows my heart. He understands if the intention was good. He knows if I am truly being cruel or just "tongue-tied".
He knew I would mess up. He knew I would do that daily. He knew my children and others around me would wonder. However, he loved me enough to send his son, Jesus Christ, for ME! I can not sing my praise or say enough how thankful I am for that.
My challenge to everyone for today, tomorrow, and the following year: Try to see what God sees not what Man sees. Even if you only do it once, step back, evaluate, and proceed with caution. Your reel could be amazing to someone watching you. Keep in mind, as long as you have Christ as your Savior, your reel is AWESOME to GOD!!!
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for the man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart."
The devotion to go with the was comparing your life's bloopers with others' highlight reels. It struck me for some reason today. I take care of my children, and 2other children during daycare hours. Soon, I will also have another 2 to keep me busy during the day. Someone is always watching me.
Sometimes, I say things I don't mean, especially to my children. It even occurs when I speak to people on just a daily basis. My tongue is a very wicked tool. When others look at my life, I would love for them to see just the "highlight reel". Unfortunately, I have many people that I consider to be very close to me and they know all my bloopers. I also like to be transparent with many people. That being said, it is good to know that God knows my heart and all its intentions. So even though I may do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, or act negatively, but my God knows my heart. He understands if the intention was good. He knows if I am truly being cruel or just "tongue-tied".
He knew I would mess up. He knew I would do that daily. He knew my children and others around me would wonder. However, he loved me enough to send his son, Jesus Christ, for ME! I can not sing my praise or say enough how thankful I am for that.
My challenge to everyone for today, tomorrow, and the following year: Try to see what God sees not what Man sees. Even if you only do it once, step back, evaluate, and proceed with caution. Your reel could be amazing to someone watching you. Keep in mind, as long as you have Christ as your Savior, your reel is AWESOME to GOD!!!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Peaceable Mother's Day
I'm struggling knowing how to start this post. Not a lot has happened this last month or so. We have started ball season for my son. My daughter was playing volleyball but due to injuring her hand, it was cut short. However, I know that will be starting again soon.
We are still on the road to adoption but are taking a scenic route. After the adoption of a girl fell through, we had to reevaluate what we were to be doing. As much as my husband and I said "No" to foster care, we each felt more and more that it may be the way to go. So we have taken classes and are almost done with those.
About a month ago, my grandmother was in the hospital. She is OK now but it brought about another change. For about 3 years, I had not talked to anyone on my side of the family. Due to my past and my anger I just felt it was better not to. However, God had yet another plan for me. While my grandmother was in the hospital I spent some time with my mother. She was at the hospital and by herself while my grandmother slept. I spent a few hours at a time with my mother and just talked. We didn't talk about much but kept it on a superficial level. Shortly after, I called her and we worked some things out.
Then God gave me yet another surprise. A few weeks after opening up discussion with my mother, I talked to 1 of my brothers. This would be the youngest and we had a great time getting caught up by phone for 1 1/2 hours. I found out a lot about some stuff he was going through and found he gave me some encouragement too.
James 3:17,18 says, "Wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
I guess God is teaching me yet another lesson. This will be the first Mother's Day in 3 years where I haven't actually felt a little guilty because I have not talked to my mother. While I will not actually be seeing her, I did call and tell her Happy Mother's Day! I have another new peace that I wasn't sure would ever come. I believe my children will get to see their mom one day where she doesn't have so much anger, bitterness, or emptiness in her. Tomorrow I will get to have a day where I will be at peace with what God has given me. I will consult the wisdom from above so that I may have the pureness, peace, and mercy without hypocrisy or partiality.
Happy Mother's Day to my mother, mother-in-law, family and friends!! May each of us have the fruit of righteousness sown in peace within our hearts.
We are still on the road to adoption but are taking a scenic route. After the adoption of a girl fell through, we had to reevaluate what we were to be doing. As much as my husband and I said "No" to foster care, we each felt more and more that it may be the way to go. So we have taken classes and are almost done with those.
About a month ago, my grandmother was in the hospital. She is OK now but it brought about another change. For about 3 years, I had not talked to anyone on my side of the family. Due to my past and my anger I just felt it was better not to. However, God had yet another plan for me. While my grandmother was in the hospital I spent some time with my mother. She was at the hospital and by herself while my grandmother slept. I spent a few hours at a time with my mother and just talked. We didn't talk about much but kept it on a superficial level. Shortly after, I called her and we worked some things out.
Then God gave me yet another surprise. A few weeks after opening up discussion with my mother, I talked to 1 of my brothers. This would be the youngest and we had a great time getting caught up by phone for 1 1/2 hours. I found out a lot about some stuff he was going through and found he gave me some encouragement too.
James 3:17,18 says, "Wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
I guess God is teaching me yet another lesson. This will be the first Mother's Day in 3 years where I haven't actually felt a little guilty because I have not talked to my mother. While I will not actually be seeing her, I did call and tell her Happy Mother's Day! I have another new peace that I wasn't sure would ever come. I believe my children will get to see their mom one day where she doesn't have so much anger, bitterness, or emptiness in her. Tomorrow I will get to have a day where I will be at peace with what God has given me. I will consult the wisdom from above so that I may have the pureness, peace, and mercy without hypocrisy or partiality.
Happy Mother's Day to my mother, mother-in-law, family and friends!! May each of us have the fruit of righteousness sown in peace within our hearts.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Random Thoughts
First things first. God must be praised in all things!
I am slowly learning the patience God is trying to teach me. I would like to say that I am doing a good job at it but that wouldn't be telling the truth. However, I am willing to continue learning. I know that I can do all things through Christ. I just have to remind myself occassionally of this.
Regarding adoption, we are still on this path. We are also looking at foster care. Nothing has been set in stone as we are waiting on God's prompting. We are trusting in Him as we wander down these paths.
Precious Gems: This is the name of the home daycare I am now running. I was approved with a temporary license last week. This week I signed 2 children. I will not have my permanent license until I pass a few more inspections. That being said, they should both be done in the next 2 weeks. The first being this coming Thursday. I'm not worried but I always appreciate prayers when it come to these things.
Those are my thoughts for now. I just felt like I needed to get some of that typed out. My husband is great about understanding me lately. However, "getting it all down on paper" is usually the best method to get it all out.
I am slowly learning the patience God is trying to teach me. I would like to say that I am doing a good job at it but that wouldn't be telling the truth. However, I am willing to continue learning. I know that I can do all things through Christ. I just have to remind myself occassionally of this.
Regarding adoption, we are still on this path. We are also looking at foster care. Nothing has been set in stone as we are waiting on God's prompting. We are trusting in Him as we wander down these paths.
Precious Gems: This is the name of the home daycare I am now running. I was approved with a temporary license last week. This week I signed 2 children. I will not have my permanent license until I pass a few more inspections. That being said, they should both be done in the next 2 weeks. The first being this coming Thursday. I'm not worried but I always appreciate prayers when it come to these things.
Those are my thoughts for now. I just felt like I needed to get some of that typed out. My husband is great about understanding me lately. However, "getting it all down on paper" is usually the best method to get it all out.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
A Recurring Theme
As I sat down to write tonight, I realized I haven't wrote in almost 2 months. With that being said, I should probably do an update with my family and our progress.
Amber went back to public school at the beginning of the year. With minor complications, she is doing great! I have to say, I really don't like the attitude that comes with her age but she seems to be handling it better than I am. I can also admit this tries my patience on a daily basis in one way or another.
Zechariah is also pushing the balance of patience. I realized in his school "schedule" he wasn't really being challenged in a few areas. When I took a look at this and the date we were going to be done with school; I had to kick it into high gear. As I did this, I heard quite a bit more complaining. It takes a strong woman to stay home, school her child, and not get angry!
On the adoption home front, we are still on that journey. We have recently had a set back. Anyone who knows me will know this is not what I like to hear. In January, we submitted our home study for a little girl of 10. In February, we received word that we had been selected to go to the next step. We were just waiting on the Best Interest Staffing. During that time, we also had to update our home study at the request of the child's caseworker. A few days ago, we received information from our caseworker, the little girl had a little incident and wanted to make sure we were still interested. To be honest, I still don't know what to think but after speaking with Rick, I just feel like it's not something we can handle.
I must also mention that before Rick & I had our fallout, I asked God to give me patience. Prior to that, I asked for adoption. Prior to that, I asked God to help me in my relationship with Rick. So if you have been following me for some time, you may notice I think God moved little by little in HIS time with each request. Granted, they were not necessarily the way I wanted them to be answered or in the TIME I wanted them answered but he did answer them.
So Rick mentioned last night, he thinks God is trying to teach me PATIENCE. I, at first, rejected this idea. Then today I have just had this long day. So tonight, I had to reevaluate my thinking. I am beginning to think I need to quit praying for patience. God doesn't just give us patience; HE gives us circumstances to practice that patience.
Luke 8:15 says: "But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." and James 1:2-3 says: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
I guess this just means I am being tested so I can have more patience so that I "may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:4b. Will you let God make you perfect and complete? Will you give Him number 1 priority? Will you ask for patience?
Amber went back to public school at the beginning of the year. With minor complications, she is doing great! I have to say, I really don't like the attitude that comes with her age but she seems to be handling it better than I am. I can also admit this tries my patience on a daily basis in one way or another.
Zechariah is also pushing the balance of patience. I realized in his school "schedule" he wasn't really being challenged in a few areas. When I took a look at this and the date we were going to be done with school; I had to kick it into high gear. As I did this, I heard quite a bit more complaining. It takes a strong woman to stay home, school her child, and not get angry!
On the adoption home front, we are still on that journey. We have recently had a set back. Anyone who knows me will know this is not what I like to hear. In January, we submitted our home study for a little girl of 10. In February, we received word that we had been selected to go to the next step. We were just waiting on the Best Interest Staffing. During that time, we also had to update our home study at the request of the child's caseworker. A few days ago, we received information from our caseworker, the little girl had a little incident and wanted to make sure we were still interested. To be honest, I still don't know what to think but after speaking with Rick, I just feel like it's not something we can handle.
I must also mention that before Rick & I had our fallout, I asked God to give me patience. Prior to that, I asked for adoption. Prior to that, I asked God to help me in my relationship with Rick. So if you have been following me for some time, you may notice I think God moved little by little in HIS time with each request. Granted, they were not necessarily the way I wanted them to be answered or in the TIME I wanted them answered but he did answer them.
So Rick mentioned last night, he thinks God is trying to teach me PATIENCE. I, at first, rejected this idea. Then today I have just had this long day. So tonight, I had to reevaluate my thinking. I am beginning to think I need to quit praying for patience. God doesn't just give us patience; HE gives us circumstances to practice that patience.
Luke 8:15 says: "But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." and James 1:2-3 says: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
I guess this just means I am being tested so I can have more patience so that I "may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:4b. Will you let God make you perfect and complete? Will you give Him number 1 priority? Will you ask for patience?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
More TRUST
My house is quiet. This is not a normal thing. As I sit here and begin to put my thoughts to the computer journal I can't help but be a little melancholy.
Over the Christmas break we had some changes happen. While I love homeschooling my children, it wasn't agreeing with my oldest. For the last month or so she had been having a hard time staying focused. It would literally take 7 days to complete 5 days worth of work. She took breaks ALL the time and we argued a lot. It was very hard for me to enjoy being with her during "school" hours. After those times, during our free or family time, she was a WHOLE NEW person. This child asked my husband and I if she could return to school. Every fiber of my being screamed NO! How can I give my baby girl to a school that will not love her as much as I do or "baby" her through classes that are too hard?
Yesterday, I took her to the middle school in our area and had a tour with her. I am a worried mother. However, I found the principal, assistant principal, counselor, and a teacher were as comforting to me as they were to her. They took the time to answer my questions and talk with her over the changes that would be made. After about 1 hour there, I made the decision (with hubby's support) to allow her to go to middle school. While my daughter was ecstatic this morning, I had to say a prayer over her to make me feel better.
We read the Bible and prayed before we left the house. As I sit here, I wonder how God thinks over us everyday. What does He say about where we go? Who we talk to? Our interactions throughout our days and lives? I'm reminded of a verse that I have wrote of before: Jeremiah 29:11. Only He knows what the plans are for my daughter and my family. I am going to be strong in that and TRUST HIM.
Over the Christmas break we had some changes happen. While I love homeschooling my children, it wasn't agreeing with my oldest. For the last month or so she had been having a hard time staying focused. It would literally take 7 days to complete 5 days worth of work. She took breaks ALL the time and we argued a lot. It was very hard for me to enjoy being with her during "school" hours. After those times, during our free or family time, she was a WHOLE NEW person. This child asked my husband and I if she could return to school. Every fiber of my being screamed NO! How can I give my baby girl to a school that will not love her as much as I do or "baby" her through classes that are too hard?
Yesterday, I took her to the middle school in our area and had a tour with her. I am a worried mother. However, I found the principal, assistant principal, counselor, and a teacher were as comforting to me as they were to her. They took the time to answer my questions and talk with her over the changes that would be made. After about 1 hour there, I made the decision (with hubby's support) to allow her to go to middle school. While my daughter was ecstatic this morning, I had to say a prayer over her to make me feel better.
We read the Bible and prayed before we left the house. As I sit here, I wonder how God thinks over us everyday. What does He say about where we go? Who we talk to? Our interactions throughout our days and lives? I'm reminded of a verse that I have wrote of before: Jeremiah 29:11. Only He knows what the plans are for my daughter and my family. I am going to be strong in that and TRUST HIM.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New Year Deeper in Love
Let's be honest here. I don't make resolutions for a new year because I have a very hard time keeping them. I thought about making a resolution to lose weight, but I'm happy with the weight I'm at. Then I thought about making a resolution to just be more active. Obviously, that's not going to happen!!
As you can see, I'm not good at making resolutions. I'm kind of like that person who says they'll try to do better. This year however, I have decided I'm just going to allow God to mold me even more into HIS image. This could be a year where I hurt deeply. I am not a perfect person. I struggle just like everyone else does and sometimes feel my pain is the worst it has ever been. After last year, I wonder how I will be molded and changed. Of course, I ask this knowing that I will find out in December of this year.
I would like to say that I could encourage everyone through this year but at times I may need that encouragement too. There are many changes I know about and I'm sure just as many I don't. One of the devotional calendars I have gave me this to ponder on:
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
January 1 became generally recognized as the beginning of the year in the 1500's with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar. In the United States, the holiday is traditionally considered to be a time to take stock of one's life and to make resolutions for the coming year.
The best way for believers to celebrate each New Year's Day is to resolve to live more like the new creation that the apostle Paul sys we are. Once we accept the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, we enter into the New Covenant and God begins a new work of creation in us. He gives us a new heart, a new self, and a new song. We're called to have new attitudes and a new lifestyle. As we grow, God brings new opportunities for service and teaches us new truths." (The One Year On This Day-calendar of 365 Devotions on Intriguing Events that Happened--Dianne Neal Matthews)
So, while again, I'm not good at resolutions, I fully RESOLVE to fall deeper in love with Christ and allow him to mold, change, shape, and paint me the way HE chooses.
As you can see, I'm not good at making resolutions. I'm kind of like that person who says they'll try to do better. This year however, I have decided I'm just going to allow God to mold me even more into HIS image. This could be a year where I hurt deeply. I am not a perfect person. I struggle just like everyone else does and sometimes feel my pain is the worst it has ever been. After last year, I wonder how I will be molded and changed. Of course, I ask this knowing that I will find out in December of this year.
I would like to say that I could encourage everyone through this year but at times I may need that encouragement too. There are many changes I know about and I'm sure just as many I don't. One of the devotional calendars I have gave me this to ponder on:
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
January 1 became generally recognized as the beginning of the year in the 1500's with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar. In the United States, the holiday is traditionally considered to be a time to take stock of one's life and to make resolutions for the coming year.
The best way for believers to celebrate each New Year's Day is to resolve to live more like the new creation that the apostle Paul sys we are. Once we accept the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, we enter into the New Covenant and God begins a new work of creation in us. He gives us a new heart, a new self, and a new song. We're called to have new attitudes and a new lifestyle. As we grow, God brings new opportunities for service and teaches us new truths." (The One Year On This Day-calendar of 365 Devotions on Intriguing Events that Happened--Dianne Neal Matthews)
So, while again, I'm not good at resolutions, I fully RESOLVE to fall deeper in love with Christ and allow him to mold, change, shape, and paint me the way HE chooses.
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