So, nobody told me the heartache and happiness that would come with foster care. No one told me the frustrations in detail that could go along with it. Most of what was said was, it's different. Make sure you know what you are getting into. It's not bad, it's not good. It is different.
I have had to realize I am not superwoman. I can't do it alone and I can't be everywhere that I need to. Some days will be harder than others. Most will say this of any parenting relationship. Again, it's different. Yes, I have two children of my own and yes, some days are harder than others with them. However, I know how to handle their personalities because I have had 10-13 years of getting to know them.
No matter how long we've had a child, I never feel fully equipped to take care of them. My patience button gets pushed more than I would like to admit. One particular child has been with us almost 9 months. This child started out with me being aggravated on a daily basis. Then they got better. Then just as I thought I had them figured out, I realized I knew nothing about them. I became aggravated once again almost daily. It was different though. This child knew my husband and I were there for them. However, it felt like they were shutting us out and trying to purposely make us upset. Then, we bring another child in and all of a sudden, they take the "leader" role. I still don't have them figured out.
In addition to all of this, my husband and I have added a teenager into the mix. It's been different with this one too. My biological teenager is just at the beginning of the teen years. I'm going to have time to fine tune her new personality. But, when a new teenager comes in and has their own personality and way of doing things, it can be completely different. We don't always see eye to eye. I've been told I have anger issues. I yell too much. These are really hard to hear. I know they are just working through their own things but it really does make you look hard at yourself. Now, it's not all bad. Some good came out of these two situations.
One, I was finally able to admit, yes, I do have anger issues. Yes, I do need help. My anger wasn't because of children. It wasn't because of my past. It wasn't because of my husband either. I was having anxiety. This anxiety was different than what I had dealt with regarding depression. My medication wasn't working and I didn't like the way I felt. So, I went back to the doctor. I'm on new medicine now and I feel like a better person again.
Two, the love I feel from all the kids in my home and my spouse has increased greatly. I know they love me unconditionally. Each child has their own way of showing me the love and thanks they have. I love the one-on-one time with them.
Three, foster care has never been more rewarding. Foster care is opening up more windows and doors to God. One little word or action can help me see what God sees. With each new personality and each new child, I am being refined. My own children are being refined. My husband is being refined also. We are growing up and changing. We are closer somehow, yet also far apart. Each of us sees something different. My children will tell you they don't always like foster care. They don't like having their rooms disrupted or their time with daddy and I taken away. It's not always easy. We work through it like most families, one day at a time.
Even though foster care can be different with each new child, I know one thing remains the same. God is a constant in our home. The littlest child now prays before every meal and snack. He makes sure to remind all the older siblings. The two teenagers talk about Him more and how to deal with changes. The oldest boy is beginning to see why we do foster care. I catch little glimpses of him growing up and having more of a heart for God. My husband studies the Bible more too. Our home has been different. It's not bad, it's not perfect, it's just different. I am learning to love different.
