Before I sat down today, I did quite a bit of reading. I've been a few days out of reading my Bible. I feel so much more at peace when I do though! The verse I found most interesting to me today is Philippians 4:8-9.
"Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worth of praise, dwell on these things. The things you learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
This is what I'm going to try and do. I am trying to look back over the last week and see what I can meditate on the would bring me the "God of peace". It has been an exhausting week. Last week we learned my husband would be out of town for 3 days--the longest he's been anywhere away from me and my children. So Saturday and Sunday were spent pretty much as family days. I am so thankful for those days I had with him. Monday was business as usual-watching a little girl for a friend, going to my college class, making supper for my family. Then he hubs needed to make sure we had everything for his trip on Wednesday. We made several trips to the store that night. Even though we were running around, I found it calming to be doing the boring mundane things with him. Tuesday, I spent most of the day with my sister-in-law and her daycare. I also decided that day that I was going to shop for groceries by ad-matching and couponing. (I later found out, this is not an easy task) That night, we had ball practice and came home and my hubby finished packing, he was leaving the next morning.
As R & I went to breakfast, I had a hard time not crying. I knew I would be fine but I felt like I was losing a part of me for three days. I also knew I would be solely responsible for everything our children would need the next few days. The days went fine but we all looked forward to hearing from him each night! It was the highlight of our day and we went to bed almost immediately after that call each night. I now have a greater respect for husbands and wives of those in the military that are gone for months or years at a time.
As I look over those days and realize that not even a tornado threat could disturb me, I see that I did have God's peace with me. I took each day step-by-step, second-by-second. The truth was, R would be home in a very short amount of time. I learned, by the love God has for me, anything is possible. My children can learn to be without a parent for a few days and that it is healthy. While my heart will drop for a few seconds, if I focus on what is true, and what is praiseworthy, the God of peace will be with me; although, I wasn't sure at first ;-)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
JOY
Where do I start? The week past has been filled with so much joy! It doesn't escape me that as I do my bible devotions the word of the month is JOY. April has definitely been that. One week ago today, I renewed my vows with my husband. Now so all of you know, I made it through almost the ENTIRE ceremony before I began to cry. When I read the letter of thanks to my family, I lost it. I was overcome with such joy for my family and what was happening for us.
Then God once again completely pulled on me asking for more obedience. My hubby and I had a good talk about what was being asked of us. Amazingly, we were both on the same train of thought. We are being pushed to get COMPLETELY out of debt. Anyone who knows me, knows this will be a task for me. I like to shop! :-) We have contacted an outside group to help us. We are hoping to be out of debt within 3-4 years.
I still find it amazing how God has taken over my life completely. I gave it to him because it's his but I am still human. Everyday I still face a challenge. I slip and fall; I stumble. Thankfully, He picks me up EVERY TIME. Even though I'm still making mistakes, he has graciously allowed me a peace I have never known.
So this get out of debt thing, not my ideal situation. However, I am slowly learning that I can shop for groceries for 2 weeks at a time and spend less than $150. I'm also learning things my grandma tried teaching me when I was younger. I'm making homemade bread, actually cooking close to 90-95% of my family's meals. I even stay home with my children and do nothing (no small feat). Beginning in August, I will homeschool both of my children (when I was younger, I swore I wouldn't do this). And believe it or not, I'm even going to teach my daughter to sew a pillow and how to stitch using a pattern on dishtowels. I'm not Martha Stewart, Racheal Ray, or anyone close to that. I'm just me, with some really good "old-fashioned" values, thanks to my God!
So go find some JOY in your life. Live it to its fullest and just relax. God is in control.
"Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment; weeping may endure fora night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30: 4-5
Then God once again completely pulled on me asking for more obedience. My hubby and I had a good talk about what was being asked of us. Amazingly, we were both on the same train of thought. We are being pushed to get COMPLETELY out of debt. Anyone who knows me, knows this will be a task for me. I like to shop! :-) We have contacted an outside group to help us. We are hoping to be out of debt within 3-4 years.
I still find it amazing how God has taken over my life completely. I gave it to him because it's his but I am still human. Everyday I still face a challenge. I slip and fall; I stumble. Thankfully, He picks me up EVERY TIME. Even though I'm still making mistakes, he has graciously allowed me a peace I have never known.
So this get out of debt thing, not my ideal situation. However, I am slowly learning that I can shop for groceries for 2 weeks at a time and spend less than $150. I'm also learning things my grandma tried teaching me when I was younger. I'm making homemade bread, actually cooking close to 90-95% of my family's meals. I even stay home with my children and do nothing (no small feat). Beginning in August, I will homeschool both of my children (when I was younger, I swore I wouldn't do this). And believe it or not, I'm even going to teach my daughter to sew a pillow and how to stitch using a pattern on dishtowels. I'm not Martha Stewart, Racheal Ray, or anyone close to that. I'm just me, with some really good "old-fashioned" values, thanks to my God!
So go find some JOY in your life. Live it to its fullest and just relax. God is in control.
"Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment; weeping may endure fora night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30: 4-5
Friday, April 6, 2012
REFLECTION
Today is a reflection day for me. Tomorrow is my day to renew my wedding vows with my husband. Today though, I reflect on everything that has happened in 11 years.
I was married, I had my daughter and moved a few times while she was still a baby. A year and a half later, I accepted Christ as my Savior!!! (Best choice I ever made) Slowly, I began to let him take over my life. Another year and a half later, my son was born. (We're up to 3 years now) The next few years kind of ran together. Being a working mom, learning the ropes of having two kids. During this time I also decided to stay home and run a home daycare. This was a decision I knew I wanted but I had no clue how it would change my life. My husband still worked for the cemetery and things were changing there just a fast.
With this stress from his job and the stress of having 10 kids in my small home (only 982 sq. ft.) the hubs and I began to argue. The came the fateful day of a little girl only 3 years old that passed away. Our son was this same age. For the next few years any time one of our children got sick, it was life or death for my husband. This began to take its toll on me. Even though I was home, he would call SEVERAL times to check on the kids. It drove me crazy. I felt like I was just not a good enough mom to take care of them. I knew it was irrational but hey, who said emotions were rational.
This also took a toll on me. I was also dealing with issues from my mother and my "dad" passing away. This time was so hard for me, I held everything inside and let it bother me. I didn't really lean on Jesus for help and I tried not to lean on ANYONE for help. For this is my natural nature! I wish now I would have said something back then. It might have saved me from the depression. There were a few times I thought the world would be better off without me. As these thoughts began to invade my life, I finally went to see a doctor for it as I was crying often. With the help of medication and seeing a counselor, I was beginning to get back on track.
Then my back gave out. With the cost of insurance and doctor bills starting to climb, I made a decision to go back to work. This was now November 2009. With a heavy heart, I went back to being a working mom and trying to hold everything together. The next three years would slowly get worse for me. I was a very angry person and I was hurting. My children frustrated me, my husband and I argued, and I could see the family was starting to unravel.
In early 2011, I felt completely unloved and alone. I knew I wasn't but again, emotions are not rational. I started to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This would be my demise. In late 2011, I finally told my husband I couldn't be with him anymore and I didn't love him. This is when I found out how much LOVE he had for me. God was so gracious. He allowed my husband to speak with a pastor at our church and we began marriage counseling. I quit my job in December 2011 and became a stay at home wife and mom again!! My heart has soared!!
Our family let Christ be the CENTER of our life. So as I reflect over all of this, I see a lot of trials. However, I also see a God so loving and so compassionate that he would send his SON for me. My sins, my hurt, my burdens they were nailed to the cross with him. This whole weekend, I will praise that love and thank HIM for what he has done for me. I get a new life in this cemetery!!!!
"The three most important things to have are faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of them is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
I was married, I had my daughter and moved a few times while she was still a baby. A year and a half later, I accepted Christ as my Savior!!! (Best choice I ever made) Slowly, I began to let him take over my life. Another year and a half later, my son was born. (We're up to 3 years now) The next few years kind of ran together. Being a working mom, learning the ropes of having two kids. During this time I also decided to stay home and run a home daycare. This was a decision I knew I wanted but I had no clue how it would change my life. My husband still worked for the cemetery and things were changing there just a fast.
With this stress from his job and the stress of having 10 kids in my small home (only 982 sq. ft.) the hubs and I began to argue. The came the fateful day of a little girl only 3 years old that passed away. Our son was this same age. For the next few years any time one of our children got sick, it was life or death for my husband. This began to take its toll on me. Even though I was home, he would call SEVERAL times to check on the kids. It drove me crazy. I felt like I was just not a good enough mom to take care of them. I knew it was irrational but hey, who said emotions were rational.
This also took a toll on me. I was also dealing with issues from my mother and my "dad" passing away. This time was so hard for me, I held everything inside and let it bother me. I didn't really lean on Jesus for help and I tried not to lean on ANYONE for help. For this is my natural nature! I wish now I would have said something back then. It might have saved me from the depression. There were a few times I thought the world would be better off without me. As these thoughts began to invade my life, I finally went to see a doctor for it as I was crying often. With the help of medication and seeing a counselor, I was beginning to get back on track.
Then my back gave out. With the cost of insurance and doctor bills starting to climb, I made a decision to go back to work. This was now November 2009. With a heavy heart, I went back to being a working mom and trying to hold everything together. The next three years would slowly get worse for me. I was a very angry person and I was hurting. My children frustrated me, my husband and I argued, and I could see the family was starting to unravel.
In early 2011, I felt completely unloved and alone. I knew I wasn't but again, emotions are not rational. I started to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This would be my demise. In late 2011, I finally told my husband I couldn't be with him anymore and I didn't love him. This is when I found out how much LOVE he had for me. God was so gracious. He allowed my husband to speak with a pastor at our church and we began marriage counseling. I quit my job in December 2011 and became a stay at home wife and mom again!! My heart has soared!!
Our family let Christ be the CENTER of our life. So as I reflect over all of this, I see a lot of trials. However, I also see a God so loving and so compassionate that he would send his SON for me. My sins, my hurt, my burdens they were nailed to the cross with him. This whole weekend, I will praise that love and thank HIM for what he has done for me. I get a new life in this cemetery!!!!
"The three most important things to have are faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of them is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Fill My Mouth with Laughter...
Last night, I had this horrible dream. The dream was of when my husband and I renew our vows next weekend, he would look at me and say "I don't love you anymore, and I can't be with you". Needless to say, I woke up crying. I was relieved though to realize it was a nightmare.
Throughout today, I have had to remind myself this was only a dream and it will not happen. However, it has also caused me to look back over my life again. Have I been a good enough wife and mother? Have the last 11 years been enough? Can I do anything this week to mess up what I have?
As I and my husband have had to "deal" with our children today and teach them life lessons, I was brought to the bible for inspiration for them. I read again some promises our Lord gave to us. In Ezekiel 36:26 (NIRV) it says: "I will give you new hearts. I will give you a new spirit that is faithful to me. I will remove your stubborn hears from you. I will give you hearts that obey me." Job 8:21 states: " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing". Wow, what promises!!
Eleven years ago when I said I would love my husband no matter what, I meant it. My heart didn't know what it was getting into! Shortly after, I accepted Christ as my Savior! R was still working at the cemetery and our daughter A was about 18 months. So far up to this point, I had been an okay wife and mother. I still had LOTS of anger from my up-bringing. God promised my a new heart. He promised me a new spirit. He even promised to REMOVE my stubborn heart from me. He may have promised but I wasn't listening.
A few years went by and we had our son Z. Now Z is a very stubborn child. He loves to be right and do things his own way. He's learning about these promises in his everyday life. But, I wonder if how he is today is how God saw me. Did he see that I still had my stubborn heart? Did I make him frustrated like my son made me? Probably. I can only imagine what he was saying to get my attention! Good thing my sins are forgiven by HIM. I can rest knowing that He also promised to fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with rejoicing!!
When we go through trials as we all must, we have to cling to that promise. Laugh like no one can hear you. God can!! Even if that laughter is on the inside and only you get the joke. God can hear and see everything. Let him fulfill his promise! When I'm frustrated or sad, happy or just okay, I hope God continues to remind me to laughter and rejoice in Him. On April 7th, I pray that I do both; for my children, for my husband, and for myself!
May God "fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing" while I continue my life in this cemetery!
Throughout today, I have had to remind myself this was only a dream and it will not happen. However, it has also caused me to look back over my life again. Have I been a good enough wife and mother? Have the last 11 years been enough? Can I do anything this week to mess up what I have?
As I and my husband have had to "deal" with our children today and teach them life lessons, I was brought to the bible for inspiration for them. I read again some promises our Lord gave to us. In Ezekiel 36:26 (NIRV) it says: "I will give you new hearts. I will give you a new spirit that is faithful to me. I will remove your stubborn hears from you. I will give you hearts that obey me." Job 8:21 states: " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing". Wow, what promises!!
Eleven years ago when I said I would love my husband no matter what, I meant it. My heart didn't know what it was getting into! Shortly after, I accepted Christ as my Savior! R was still working at the cemetery and our daughter A was about 18 months. So far up to this point, I had been an okay wife and mother. I still had LOTS of anger from my up-bringing. God promised my a new heart. He promised me a new spirit. He even promised to REMOVE my stubborn heart from me. He may have promised but I wasn't listening.
A few years went by and we had our son Z. Now Z is a very stubborn child. He loves to be right and do things his own way. He's learning about these promises in his everyday life. But, I wonder if how he is today is how God saw me. Did he see that I still had my stubborn heart? Did I make him frustrated like my son made me? Probably. I can only imagine what he was saying to get my attention! Good thing my sins are forgiven by HIM. I can rest knowing that He also promised to fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with rejoicing!!
When we go through trials as we all must, we have to cling to that promise. Laugh like no one can hear you. God can!! Even if that laughter is on the inside and only you get the joke. God can hear and see everything. Let him fulfill his promise! When I'm frustrated or sad, happy or just okay, I hope God continues to remind me to laughter and rejoice in Him. On April 7th, I pray that I do both; for my children, for my husband, and for myself!
May God "fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing" while I continue my life in this cemetery!
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