Fill My Mouth with Laughter...

Last night, I had this horrible dream. The dream was of when my husband and I renew our vows next weekend, he would look at me and say "I don't love you anymore, and I can't be with you". Needless to say, I woke up crying. I was relieved though to realize it was a nightmare.

Throughout today, I have had to remind myself this was only a dream and it will not happen. However, it has also caused me to look back over my life again. Have I been a good enough wife and mother? Have the last 11 years been enough? Can I do anything this week to mess up what I have?

As I and my husband have had to "deal" with our children today and teach them life lessons, I was brought to the bible for inspiration for them.  I read again some promises our Lord gave to us. In Ezekiel 36:26 (NIRV) it says: "I will give you new hearts. I will give you a new spirit that is faithful to me. I will remove your stubborn hears from you. I will give you hearts that obey me." Job 8:21 states: " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing". Wow, what promises!!

Eleven years ago when I said I would love my husband no matter what, I meant it.  My heart didn't know what it was getting into! Shortly after, I accepted Christ as my Savior! R was still working at the cemetery and our daughter A was about 18 months. So far up to this point, I had been an okay wife and mother. I still had LOTS of anger from my up-bringing. God promised my a new heart. He promised me a new spirit. He even promised to REMOVE my stubborn heart from me. He may have promised but I wasn't listening.

A few years went by and we had our son Z. Now Z is a very stubborn child. He loves to be right and do things his own way. He's learning about these promises in his everyday life. But, I wonder if how he is today is how God saw me. Did he see that I still had my stubborn heart? Did I make him frustrated like my son made me? Probably. I can only imagine what he was saying to get my attention! Good thing my sins are forgiven by HIM. I can rest knowing that He also promised to fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with rejoicing!!

When we go through trials as we all must, we have to cling to that promise. Laugh like no one can hear you. God can!! Even if that laughter is on the inside and only you get the joke. God can hear and see everything. Let him fulfill his promise! When I'm frustrated or sad, happy or just okay, I hope God continues to remind me to laughter and rejoice in Him. On April 7th, I pray that I do both; for my children, for my husband, and for myself!

May God "fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing" while I continue my life in this cemetery!