I never really know how to start these blog posts. I don't know if I could ever think of anything witty to say that I wouldn't eventually erase and start all over again. (This is the 2nd time I've tried starting tonight.)
I do have more news. Since our move a few weeks ago, we have finished our home assessment for the adoption. We are just waiting on a few references to be finished, the TB test results turned in, and finally for the information on how much life insurance Rick has through his job! We have been very blessed so far through this process. I can't believe we are at this point where we can start looking at children's profiles. It seems such a short time ago that we started.
With that in mind, it reminds me of how we are all adopted into God's kingdom. Reflecting on this time of year and what it means has me really thinking this year. I have been reading the book of Luke to my children. Rick and I have also been talking about angels with them. We want them to know that the angels depicted in society are not what they are in the Bible. Luke 1:29 says Mary was "troubled" when an angel came to her. It also says in Luke 1:12 Zacharias was "troubled" upon seeing God's angel. This angel that was seen by both Zacharias and Mary was Gabriel. Gabriel brought good news to both but the outcome of these were different. Zacharias questions what Gabriel says and doesn't believe therefore losing his ability to speak until the prophecy happened. However, Mary questions, then believes and says "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)
I find this fascinating. God allowed two different things to happen for His glory! The biggest glory though is His son being sent down for us. We are celebrating the birth of this mercy & glory this holiday season. Christ was given to us in a lowly, dark place so we could live in a high, lighted place eternally. All we have to do is accept Christ as our personal Savior. In a time where darkness overshadows our world, it's amazing to see God's promises and see the "Light" at the end of the tunnel.
This Christmas season, I invite all of my readers to reflect on God's love and His gift to us. Focus on what it means to be adopted into Christ's kingdom. If you don't know His gift, go to a church and find a pastor and ask them what it means to have Christ in your life so you can be adopted into His kingdom. If you know Christ and will live in His kingdom, reflect this season on how you can help someone else come to know him. Help them to become your brother or sister. I also invite everyone to read, on a daily basis, the Bible and become closer to Jesus Christ, God's heavenly Christmas gift!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
New Chapter
I write to you today after a couple of months of change. Since I last wrote, my family has celebrated many birthdays. My daughter turned 11, I turned 31, my son is now 8, and my husband celebrated number 42! We have also gone through more changes.
Tonight as Rick and I were moving our stuff from house to house, I realized God has very intricately woven another chapter together seamlessly. It was just a little over a year ago that I told my husband I was leaving him. This year we had another situation overshadow the situation from last year.
For those that do not know on November 1st, we found out the house we were living in (at the cemetery) would not be around much longer. The house was not in good condition as far as structure. There were also other issues but we were being asked to find another place. This was the first step in God's new chapter.
The next step would come the next morning. After finding out we would have to move soon, our family was very upset. However, we set up appointments to begin seeing apartments. Later that night, our daughter would suggest going for a ride to help calm her. While we were out riding around, we found a house--3 doors down from Rick's parents!!!
I called the next day to get some information on this house. It turns out, God was in complete control as I was losing control all over again. The house was in our price range, had the number of bedrooms we wanted, a fenced in yard for our dogs, and again, it was 3 homes down from Rick's parents!! This house would be available December 1. We made an appointment to see this house the following Monday! So we met with the landlord. In addition to all the pluses so far, everything in the home had been replaced within the last 2 years (roof, carpet, ac & heat)! If you are wondering, we signed the contract that same week!!!
Thanksgiving last year was a total nightmare. However, this year, my nightmare was a little different! Instead of being angry with my spouse, I was ecstatic and concerned with moving. This was step 3 in God's plan I'm sure!! Looking back tonight, everything was moving into place even when I didn't have a handle on it. Of course, last week I suffered another blow when I received a phone call from our new landlord asking if we could move our movers to Tuesday instead of Saturday. When he was finally able to look at the house, he found out it had been damaged. Again, God has new plans. That being said a huge thank you goes out to our landlord. Since I wasn't able to change our movers, he worked nonstop for 48 hours replacing carpet, painting walls, new bathroom, and cleaning the yard!
This being said, I don't believe our family will be moving anytime soon. As I look back at everything that has happened over the last year, God has had a plan that has been blessing me in many, many ways!! We are again starting a New Chapter with a New Life!
Tonight as Rick and I were moving our stuff from house to house, I realized God has very intricately woven another chapter together seamlessly. It was just a little over a year ago that I told my husband I was leaving him. This year we had another situation overshadow the situation from last year.
For those that do not know on November 1st, we found out the house we were living in (at the cemetery) would not be around much longer. The house was not in good condition as far as structure. There were also other issues but we were being asked to find another place. This was the first step in God's new chapter.
The next step would come the next morning. After finding out we would have to move soon, our family was very upset. However, we set up appointments to begin seeing apartments. Later that night, our daughter would suggest going for a ride to help calm her. While we were out riding around, we found a house--3 doors down from Rick's parents!!!
I called the next day to get some information on this house. It turns out, God was in complete control as I was losing control all over again. The house was in our price range, had the number of bedrooms we wanted, a fenced in yard for our dogs, and again, it was 3 homes down from Rick's parents!! This house would be available December 1. We made an appointment to see this house the following Monday! So we met with the landlord. In addition to all the pluses so far, everything in the home had been replaced within the last 2 years (roof, carpet, ac & heat)! If you are wondering, we signed the contract that same week!!!
Thanksgiving last year was a total nightmare. However, this year, my nightmare was a little different! Instead of being angry with my spouse, I was ecstatic and concerned with moving. This was step 3 in God's plan I'm sure!! Looking back tonight, everything was moving into place even when I didn't have a handle on it. Of course, last week I suffered another blow when I received a phone call from our new landlord asking if we could move our movers to Tuesday instead of Saturday. When he was finally able to look at the house, he found out it had been damaged. Again, God has new plans. That being said a huge thank you goes out to our landlord. Since I wasn't able to change our movers, he worked nonstop for 48 hours replacing carpet, painting walls, new bathroom, and cleaning the yard!
This being said, I don't believe our family will be moving anytime soon. As I look back at everything that has happened over the last year, God has had a plan that has been blessing me in many, many ways!! We are again starting a New Chapter with a New Life!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Another Month
It's hard to believe another month has flown by. I get so caught up in my daily life I sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses put in front of me. It seems like I haven't had much time to just reflect on my life again.
This last month has seemed to just make me a busier person. The kids are in homeschool and doing well. Rick has applied for a leadership program at work. Hopefully, next month I will be able to report whether or not he was accepted. If he is, it will be a two year process. *Fingers crossed for him*. My son has joined the Upward football team at church and has baseball practice every other week. Amber & I are coaching Upward cheerleading with our church as well. The entire family is also in some sort of class on Wednesday night at church as well. In the process of all this, Rick & I have finished our PS-MAPP classes for adoption.
I am so thankful for this last part. I didn't realize how quickly 10 weeks would go by. I met many great people and hope they continue down this path. After the class, I realized so many had come into this class like us, wanting to open their hearts and find out what adoption and foster care was all about. We learned many things and it gave us a great chance to practice using some of what we learned on our children! I feel like God is continuing to open doors and lead us towards His plan. Currently, our background checks are being done. Getting to this step, with the application for adoption turned in also, has been a big relief for me. I know we still have a long ways to go but I'm so happy with where we are right now.
Also, in the last month, I gave my testimony to several women at a gathering. The same night I did that, another woman gave her testimony. It's so hard to believe that even though we are apart in age and have never met, our stories were almost identical! Occassionally, I think about that and wonder how God is so glorious to bring us through our "not so great" times and bring glory to Himself. I loved hearing her and what she went through. I felt like we were sisters and we would always share that bond. I haven't seen her since but I know God is watching out for her!
Now, please excuse my rambling, I'm not 100% sure where to go from here. I have many thoughts right now and am trying to process them as fast as they are coming in. God gives you encouragement when you need it and when He does, it can be a bit overwhelming. It is on my heart to pray for a few gals tonight. He knows what their situations are and I know He will keep them. He love is so merciful and bountiful I have a hard time grasping that thought. He knew these girls would need prayer and he made sure they were at our class tonight. I love that he does that! Praise God for his wonderful faithfulness!!
As I continue to read the Bible, I am learning so much! The study I am working on presented a happiness for my heart. Last night I was up way past my bedtime. However, I couldn't get it out of my head that God wants my best first. Let me say that again...God wants MY BEST---FIRST. It says in our Bible, we are to give God our firstfruits. Giving him the best at all times. It made me realize that means our time, money, attention, and affection. Many times, I will often give him what I have left. I'm not giving him what I have in the beginning. Often, as I financially struggle, I find I don't give him my money for fear of not being able to make it. Recently, my husband felt convicted that we needed to get our financial affairs in order. I said ok but to be honest, I wasn't sure how this was going to work out. A few days later, I felt this overwhelming nudge that he was right. It's a very humbling experience when that happens. I'm not sure why this is playing out the way it is, but I know that it's God's timing and His path I need to continue on.
I leave you with a new challenge. Pick one of the items mentioned above and give God your firstfruits. It doesn't have to be money. Pick one though--time, money, attention, or affection. Pray and ask God which it is he is craving from you. As you do this, write down for your eyes only, how you feel throughout this process. Look back in a month. Do you feel closer to HIM? Can you see him working in your life, even if it's a very small way? Do you find yourself wanting to spend more time with HIM? I will be praying for you and hope you will do the same for me.
This last month has seemed to just make me a busier person. The kids are in homeschool and doing well. Rick has applied for a leadership program at work. Hopefully, next month I will be able to report whether or not he was accepted. If he is, it will be a two year process. *Fingers crossed for him*. My son has joined the Upward football team at church and has baseball practice every other week. Amber & I are coaching Upward cheerleading with our church as well. The entire family is also in some sort of class on Wednesday night at church as well. In the process of all this, Rick & I have finished our PS-MAPP classes for adoption.
I am so thankful for this last part. I didn't realize how quickly 10 weeks would go by. I met many great people and hope they continue down this path. After the class, I realized so many had come into this class like us, wanting to open their hearts and find out what adoption and foster care was all about. We learned many things and it gave us a great chance to practice using some of what we learned on our children! I feel like God is continuing to open doors and lead us towards His plan. Currently, our background checks are being done. Getting to this step, with the application for adoption turned in also, has been a big relief for me. I know we still have a long ways to go but I'm so happy with where we are right now.
Also, in the last month, I gave my testimony to several women at a gathering. The same night I did that, another woman gave her testimony. It's so hard to believe that even though we are apart in age and have never met, our stories were almost identical! Occassionally, I think about that and wonder how God is so glorious to bring us through our "not so great" times and bring glory to Himself. I loved hearing her and what she went through. I felt like we were sisters and we would always share that bond. I haven't seen her since but I know God is watching out for her!
Now, please excuse my rambling, I'm not 100% sure where to go from here. I have many thoughts right now and am trying to process them as fast as they are coming in. God gives you encouragement when you need it and when He does, it can be a bit overwhelming. It is on my heart to pray for a few gals tonight. He knows what their situations are and I know He will keep them. He love is so merciful and bountiful I have a hard time grasping that thought. He knew these girls would need prayer and he made sure they were at our class tonight. I love that he does that! Praise God for his wonderful faithfulness!!
As I continue to read the Bible, I am learning so much! The study I am working on presented a happiness for my heart. Last night I was up way past my bedtime. However, I couldn't get it out of my head that God wants my best first. Let me say that again...God wants MY BEST---FIRST. It says in our Bible, we are to give God our firstfruits. Giving him the best at all times. It made me realize that means our time, money, attention, and affection. Many times, I will often give him what I have left. I'm not giving him what I have in the beginning. Often, as I financially struggle, I find I don't give him my money for fear of not being able to make it. Recently, my husband felt convicted that we needed to get our financial affairs in order. I said ok but to be honest, I wasn't sure how this was going to work out. A few days later, I felt this overwhelming nudge that he was right. It's a very humbling experience when that happens. I'm not sure why this is playing out the way it is, but I know that it's God's timing and His path I need to continue on.
I leave you with a new challenge. Pick one of the items mentioned above and give God your firstfruits. It doesn't have to be money. Pick one though--time, money, attention, or affection. Pray and ask God which it is he is craving from you. As you do this, write down for your eyes only, how you feel throughout this process. Look back in a month. Do you feel closer to HIM? Can you see him working in your life, even if it's a very small way? Do you find yourself wanting to spend more time with HIM? I will be praying for you and hope you will do the same for me.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Becoming Blessed
How blessed I am! The Lord has been growing me over the last year. When Rick & I went through our marriage problems, I thought it was just us. I also wondered how in the world I would ever get through something as life changing as that. I didn't truly realize then how much God was using it to make me a better person.
I have begun to read His word everyday and try to teach my children what He is teaching me. I have been reading a book that is changing my life a little more everyday. I've made a promise to myself and my family not to turn back into the person I once was. When Christ died for me I changed. When I accepted that fact, my life changed. When I started practicing what he was teaching, my life changed again. If we don't change and we keep going down the same path, we may get "stuck in a rut".
This was not a path I wanted for myself or to show my family. I went down that road for a few years but with God's help, we are climbing out of that path and getting onto HIS path. This isn't something that happens overnight (I wish it was). This is something that takes work. Reminding myself of the rut that is below me doesn't make me fill up with despair; it gives me a hope that someone else sees the rut they are in and thinks they can make it out! It has been said by many that God doesn't give us more than we can handle at a time. I'm not really sure if I believe this. I know I've said it before but I think when God has given us too much to handle, He begins to carry us. Picks us up out of our rut and teaches us new things. For me, he is teaching me how to truly and deeply love, trust, and be open with others.
My rut may cause me pain sometimes, but knowing God is carrying me through it, makes it much less painful. My encouragement for anyone that reads this: If you are stuck and don't know where to turn, Ask GOD. If you don't know Christ as your Savior, find a friend, a church, or someone you trust, ask them what it is to have God in their life. Ask me. I pray for everyone who comes to this blog. I don't know how many people read it but I can see there have been many page views. I pray that each one of you would know Christ in your life. I also pray that each of you has someone you can turn to when you need it most.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11 NASB
I have begun to read His word everyday and try to teach my children what He is teaching me. I have been reading a book that is changing my life a little more everyday. I've made a promise to myself and my family not to turn back into the person I once was. When Christ died for me I changed. When I accepted that fact, my life changed. When I started practicing what he was teaching, my life changed again. If we don't change and we keep going down the same path, we may get "stuck in a rut".
This was not a path I wanted for myself or to show my family. I went down that road for a few years but with God's help, we are climbing out of that path and getting onto HIS path. This isn't something that happens overnight (I wish it was). This is something that takes work. Reminding myself of the rut that is below me doesn't make me fill up with despair; it gives me a hope that someone else sees the rut they are in and thinks they can make it out! It has been said by many that God doesn't give us more than we can handle at a time. I'm not really sure if I believe this. I know I've said it before but I think when God has given us too much to handle, He begins to carry us. Picks us up out of our rut and teaches us new things. For me, he is teaching me how to truly and deeply love, trust, and be open with others.
My rut may cause me pain sometimes, but knowing God is carrying me through it, makes it much less painful. My encouragement for anyone that reads this: If you are stuck and don't know where to turn, Ask GOD. If you don't know Christ as your Savior, find a friend, a church, or someone you trust, ask them what it is to have God in their life. Ask me. I pray for everyone who comes to this blog. I don't know how many people read it but I can see there have been many page views. I pray that each one of you would know Christ in your life. I also pray that each of you has someone you can turn to when you need it most.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11 NASB
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Another month--another new adventure
So it's been another month since I've written anything. Last I remember, I think I introduced Rick & I would be adopting a child. We are now halfway through our PS-MAPP classes hat are required for Kansas. We seem to be learning through this class. We have gotten some good ideas that we can apply to our children now. I think it's also making me realize that not everything is as big a battle as I think it is.
While we have been taking this class, I am watching my husband grow yet again! Rick is now preparing to go back to school again! This class has peaked his interest in a Masters in Social Work and going on to be a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem). This is something he didn't realize he could do. Since he received his bachelors in Criminal Justice, he is able to go directly into the Masters program at Washburn!! I am so proud of him. He is just an amazing man of God. I love to see his protective instincts come out as we grow together!
In the meantime, I have also started "homeschooling" my children. I am using K12 the online public school option. It's a pretty cool tool. While I am enjoying having my children home most days, I'm also getting frustrated with them. They seem to give up too easily. I know it's because they are having problems understanding some of the stuff. I feel like we are on the brink of getting this thing under our belts!!
So as we continue with another month, we'll keep travelling on the new adventure God has provided for us. We will also seek His path before ours!!
Friday, July 13, 2012
God's Glory...News of giving something up and getting something NEW
This morning I am getting some quiet time by myself. The kids are at VBS. Today is the last day but I have had a WHOLE week of it! I love that it is raining and the theme at VBS is water games! What a blessing today has been already!!
Yesterday, my day started at 4 a.m. with waking up in pain. I even had to wake my husband up because I thought I was going to pass out. Let me just say, that was the worst pain I had been in EVER! However, I did fall back to sleep just as the alarm was going off to start the day. So, the kids and their friends got up, dressed, and went to VBS while I came home and rested for the next 3 hours. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Kids & friends went to the pool, dropped off at home, and the last day for watching a sweet little baby I've had for six weeks.
Then last night was the awards ceremony for my son's ball league. At this ceremony, I gave the kids some news. After 4 years of watching most of the kids grow up, Rick & I were no longer going to be managing ball. Instead, we are going to really be focusing on our family and what God has in store for us. Thankfully, we do have a new direction and are starting on our journey. This Kuebler household will be starting on the path to adoption.
After having heavily prayed and debated over what we were supposed to do, Rick (who very much leads our home) has decided this is what God is calling us to at this time. We will go until there is a road block and we can go no further. I must say after wishing for adoption for 7 years, I still can't believe this is where we are going. I must give all glory to God.
God truly has changed our entire household. Rick has truly taken that step of faith. Once that was done, our lives and the lives of our children have dramatically been altered. Allowing God to take over my life has been the biggest challenge so far. I am having to deal with many insecurities regarding myself. Learning to become a woman of God is easier than I thought though. My past has always defined me because I LET it. I yell out of anger, I think horrible thoughts of destruction out of sadness, and I sink into myself because I'm a worldly person. I have my days where I think, I shouldn't have it this good. That is not what God desires for me though. HE desires that I have a good life. He just requires that I give it all to HIM. Once I do this, He will take care of me. Yes I will still have trials. That is how my attention must be gotten sometimes. How I deal with them, well, isn't that the real question. Give it all to Him. Ask God if there is a lesson or a blessing to be taken away from that particular experience.
As you or your friends go through the day (Friday the 13th), ask God to begin taking over your life. Give God 1 hour of your day to reflect, engage, or disengage from your perspective to HIS.
Yesterday, my day started at 4 a.m. with waking up in pain. I even had to wake my husband up because I thought I was going to pass out. Let me just say, that was the worst pain I had been in EVER! However, I did fall back to sleep just as the alarm was going off to start the day. So, the kids and their friends got up, dressed, and went to VBS while I came home and rested for the next 3 hours. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Kids & friends went to the pool, dropped off at home, and the last day for watching a sweet little baby I've had for six weeks.
Then last night was the awards ceremony for my son's ball league. At this ceremony, I gave the kids some news. After 4 years of watching most of the kids grow up, Rick & I were no longer going to be managing ball. Instead, we are going to really be focusing on our family and what God has in store for us. Thankfully, we do have a new direction and are starting on our journey. This Kuebler household will be starting on the path to adoption.
After having heavily prayed and debated over what we were supposed to do, Rick (who very much leads our home) has decided this is what God is calling us to at this time. We will go until there is a road block and we can go no further. I must say after wishing for adoption for 7 years, I still can't believe this is where we are going. I must give all glory to God.
God truly has changed our entire household. Rick has truly taken that step of faith. Once that was done, our lives and the lives of our children have dramatically been altered. Allowing God to take over my life has been the biggest challenge so far. I am having to deal with many insecurities regarding myself. Learning to become a woman of God is easier than I thought though. My past has always defined me because I LET it. I yell out of anger, I think horrible thoughts of destruction out of sadness, and I sink into myself because I'm a worldly person. I have my days where I think, I shouldn't have it this good. That is not what God desires for me though. HE desires that I have a good life. He just requires that I give it all to HIM. Once I do this, He will take care of me. Yes I will still have trials. That is how my attention must be gotten sometimes. How I deal with them, well, isn't that the real question. Give it all to Him. Ask God if there is a lesson or a blessing to be taken away from that particular experience.
As you or your friends go through the day (Friday the 13th), ask God to begin taking over your life. Give God 1 hour of your day to reflect, engage, or disengage from your perspective to HIS.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Another journey???
Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I have wrote anything. SO much has happened. The Lord has really been working in my family's life. Over the last month, I have seen my husband and I grow closer together. My children has become closer too.
We have had Zech's ballgames all month. In his regular season games, the team was 3rd and in the post-season tournament, the team came in...3rd! It has been amazing to watch all these little boys grow so much over the season. I loved every minute of watching them, even the few losses they had!
Amber was also busy this last month. She and my nieces had their dance recital. Amber enjoyed it so much, she has asked us to take more classes next year. Rick and I have seen her change so much, I would love to keep seeing this maturity happening.
I, myself, am starting on a new journey. Last month, I decided I was going to be selling Pampered Chef. So far, I have held 3 shows. I would like to hold 3-4 shows per month but having 6 would be even better! I've also been reading a great book and learning more about myself.
Rick has also grown so much this year. I know usually about this time of year is when he gets frustrated and needs a break from work. This year is no different. However, he keeps saying he likes to go to work so he can provide for us. He also makes sure that each one of us in this family knows and feels his love for us. I really couldn't imagine our lives without him.
With that being said, we are all starting on a new journey together. After years of requesting and praying, we are going to start the process of adoption. We are not saying yes and we are not saying no. Rick & I will begin taking PS-MAPP classes. We are doing this as an informational class. We will constantly pray as we go through these classes. Whatever God does or doesn't have in-store for us, we will be listening. I ask that anyone that reads this be in constant prayer for also.
Our lives will change in a major way regardless of how this ends up. Our children's lives will change also. No matter which way this is sliced, God is really shaking us up. I can't wait to finish this "New life in a cemetery." My God is truly a God of compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. What an awesome God we serve!
We have had Zech's ballgames all month. In his regular season games, the team was 3rd and in the post-season tournament, the team came in...3rd! It has been amazing to watch all these little boys grow so much over the season. I loved every minute of watching them, even the few losses they had!
Amber was also busy this last month. She and my nieces had their dance recital. Amber enjoyed it so much, she has asked us to take more classes next year. Rick and I have seen her change so much, I would love to keep seeing this maturity happening.
I, myself, am starting on a new journey. Last month, I decided I was going to be selling Pampered Chef. So far, I have held 3 shows. I would like to hold 3-4 shows per month but having 6 would be even better! I've also been reading a great book and learning more about myself.
Rick has also grown so much this year. I know usually about this time of year is when he gets frustrated and needs a break from work. This year is no different. However, he keeps saying he likes to go to work so he can provide for us. He also makes sure that each one of us in this family knows and feels his love for us. I really couldn't imagine our lives without him.
With that being said, we are all starting on a new journey together. After years of requesting and praying, we are going to start the process of adoption. We are not saying yes and we are not saying no. Rick & I will begin taking PS-MAPP classes. We are doing this as an informational class. We will constantly pray as we go through these classes. Whatever God does or doesn't have in-store for us, we will be listening. I ask that anyone that reads this be in constant prayer for also.
Our lives will change in a major way regardless of how this ends up. Our children's lives will change also. No matter which way this is sliced, God is really shaking us up. I can't wait to finish this "New life in a cemetery." My God is truly a God of compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. What an awesome God we serve!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Ramblings and a Challenge
Before I start, I would like to excuse the ramblings that will come out in this post. I have so much to put in since I have been away for a while.
Since we have put out family values int place, our family unit is beginning to change. I have seen my children's attitude change. My son, while not always agreeable, is understanding more of why we do what we do. I think he does most of it to get at his sister but I'm not complaining.
Rick & I have had our ups and downs with Amber. Unfortunately, we have had to have a disappointment talk with her. At one point, I had to tell her how disappointed I was in her for disappearing for an hour at a public place while with a friend. It wasn't horrible and she was fine but we had to explain the anxiety the friend went through. She got the message loud and clear after that. She even redeemed herself by going with another friend and staying with them the entire time!!
On another front, I have never felt more content in my life. I am finally embracing the season of life I am in! I'm even opening myself up to more spiritual growth than I thought could ever be possible. This past weekend, we had 2 different "bonfires" going at our house. Friday night, we hosted our small group at our house and loved every minute of it. What a relaxing evening and great fellowship.
Saturday night, it was just our family. Then Rick suggested I call a few friends and family and invite them over. I'm sad to say, no one came. HOWEVER, I am happy to say I got to converse with two wonderful ladies. This actually leads into my next weird thought.
Tonight, as my husband and I read a chapter from Mark (my daughter picked it) I was reminded that these two ladies are my family. Mark 3:34-35 says "Looking about at those who were sitting around Him, He said Behold My mother and My brothers! for whoever does the will of God, he is My brother and sister and mother." Even though each of these ladies faces different trials and have different lives they are still my sisters. I am learning as I become closer to Christ, he is putting more and more Christian brothers and sisters in my life. I may only vaguely know my sisters but I feel so connected to them. This can only be of God. Only HE truly knows that as I lose more of myself and my old friends, I will need new ones to converse with and hold me accountable. For Hebrews 10:25 says "Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."
I challenge all of you who read this to hold me accountable. Encourage me and I will encourage you. I want to meet with each of you personally but my schedule with 2 kids doesn't always allow that. I will instead pray for those that I'm not able to see personally. Please stay in contact with me so that I may continue to grow but so YOU too can grow. You may also comment on these posts and I will see them. As these are posted on Facebook also, you can send me a message and I will respond. May God grow you and He is me.
Since we have put out family values int place, our family unit is beginning to change. I have seen my children's attitude change. My son, while not always agreeable, is understanding more of why we do what we do. I think he does most of it to get at his sister but I'm not complaining.
Rick & I have had our ups and downs with Amber. Unfortunately, we have had to have a disappointment talk with her. At one point, I had to tell her how disappointed I was in her for disappearing for an hour at a public place while with a friend. It wasn't horrible and she was fine but we had to explain the anxiety the friend went through. She got the message loud and clear after that. She even redeemed herself by going with another friend and staying with them the entire time!!
On another front, I have never felt more content in my life. I am finally embracing the season of life I am in! I'm even opening myself up to more spiritual growth than I thought could ever be possible. This past weekend, we had 2 different "bonfires" going at our house. Friday night, we hosted our small group at our house and loved every minute of it. What a relaxing evening and great fellowship.
Saturday night, it was just our family. Then Rick suggested I call a few friends and family and invite them over. I'm sad to say, no one came. HOWEVER, I am happy to say I got to converse with two wonderful ladies. This actually leads into my next weird thought.
Tonight, as my husband and I read a chapter from Mark (my daughter picked it) I was reminded that these two ladies are my family. Mark 3:34-35 says "Looking about at those who were sitting around Him, He said Behold My mother and My brothers! for whoever does the will of God, he is My brother and sister and mother." Even though each of these ladies faces different trials and have different lives they are still my sisters. I am learning as I become closer to Christ, he is putting more and more Christian brothers and sisters in my life. I may only vaguely know my sisters but I feel so connected to them. This can only be of God. Only HE truly knows that as I lose more of myself and my old friends, I will need new ones to converse with and hold me accountable. For Hebrews 10:25 says "Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."
I challenge all of you who read this to hold me accountable. Encourage me and I will encourage you. I want to meet with each of you personally but my schedule with 2 kids doesn't always allow that. I will instead pray for those that I'm not able to see personally. Please stay in contact with me so that I may continue to grow but so YOU too can grow. You may also comment on these posts and I will see them. As these are posted on Facebook also, you can send me a message and I will respond. May God grow you and He is me.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Modesty Lesson
As my daughter Amber gets older and the styles keep changing, Rick & I are having to approach modesty with her. Our latest battle is over swimsuits. The biggest in style is the bikini.
About a day or two ago, Amber * I got into a pretty big argument about this. I tried to explain what modesty was. Being a preteen girl, she totally thought I was being mean and OLD. I even tried pulling up a website that showed MODEST swimsuits. These suits we lycra dresses with lycra tights underneath. Of course, Amber didn't like them. I can't honestly say I liked them either! ;-)
Then this morning, my son decided to say some inappropriate language. After he sat down in timeout, we read chapters 2 & 3 from Genesis. We talked about sin and the first sin. It was here that all of a sudden it clicked for Amber. When I read that after eating from the tree of knowledge Adam & Eve were ashamed of being naked and covered up with fig leaves. My daughter then says, "This is why we cover ourselves up." Then as we read that God created tunics from skin she finally says, " I get it, Mom".
I love how God can take everyday experiences and make them the most amazing "Aha" moments. Praying that through your experiences today and the next week, you get that Aha moment. May God bring you and/or your children closer to Him through those daily tasks.
About a day or two ago, Amber * I got into a pretty big argument about this. I tried to explain what modesty was. Being a preteen girl, she totally thought I was being mean and OLD. I even tried pulling up a website that showed MODEST swimsuits. These suits we lycra dresses with lycra tights underneath. Of course, Amber didn't like them. I can't honestly say I liked them either! ;-)
Then this morning, my son decided to say some inappropriate language. After he sat down in timeout, we read chapters 2 & 3 from Genesis. We talked about sin and the first sin. It was here that all of a sudden it clicked for Amber. When I read that after eating from the tree of knowledge Adam & Eve were ashamed of being naked and covered up with fig leaves. My daughter then says, "This is why we cover ourselves up." Then as we read that God created tunics from skin she finally says, " I get it, Mom".
I love how God can take everyday experiences and make them the most amazing "Aha" moments. Praying that through your experiences today and the next week, you get that Aha moment. May God bring you and/or your children closer to Him through those daily tasks.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Values--Something for LIFE
Almost everyone I talk to knows my husband left last month to go on a business trip. What most people don't know is how much of an impact it has had on our family!
When Rick came home from Indiana, I knew there was something different about him. He seemed to walk taller, think bigger, and smile a whole lot more. The kids and I missed him so much. Then he began to tell me some of the things that happened while he was there. The things that stuck with me were the amount of food they had, how big their rooms were, and the values they had to come up with. I didn't realize how much this would have an impact though until weeks later. Fast forward a few weeks...
Last night, we did something as a family we have never done before. We sat down for a family meeting. I knew it was coming because Rick had said he wanted to but the kids had no idea. Earlier in the week, Rick had asked me about setting up family values for us. Thinking it was a good idea, it would be nice to have the kids involved. This was an awesome thing we were going to do.
The kids, Rick, and myself all sat down in our front room with a piece of paper and a pen. Rick explained what was going to happen. We wanted each person to think of 5-10 values and we would vote on them for our family. There were so many to choose from. Believe it or not, there was also many of the same. However, when all was said and done, we chose 4 that suit our family. We chose: Faith, Loyalty, Growth, and Positive.
This morning, I struggled with being positive. I don't know exactly why but I felt so inadequate as a mother and a wife. I didn't realize then but I was being attacked by Satan. During this time, I cried, yelled, hit the shower (literally). It took Rick praying over me in order for me to "snap" out of it! After that, my day got SO much better! The day was a long one with so many activities with my kids and my husband! What a blessed day I had today!
The values we set may take a while to fully take effect but they are so worth it! My son can tell us what each value means to him and so can my daughter. I find that as I think about what they mean, Growth, has come to mean so much to me. I pray that I never become stagnant in my walk with Christ. I pray that whoever reads this will find encouragement. I also want for those who don't know Christ as their Savior, to question me, my family, anyone they come into contact with what it means to have Jesus save them. Remember, even personal values can have a tremendous impact on you!
When Rick came home from Indiana, I knew there was something different about him. He seemed to walk taller, think bigger, and smile a whole lot more. The kids and I missed him so much. Then he began to tell me some of the things that happened while he was there. The things that stuck with me were the amount of food they had, how big their rooms were, and the values they had to come up with. I didn't realize how much this would have an impact though until weeks later. Fast forward a few weeks...
Last night, we did something as a family we have never done before. We sat down for a family meeting. I knew it was coming because Rick had said he wanted to but the kids had no idea. Earlier in the week, Rick had asked me about setting up family values for us. Thinking it was a good idea, it would be nice to have the kids involved. This was an awesome thing we were going to do.
The kids, Rick, and myself all sat down in our front room with a piece of paper and a pen. Rick explained what was going to happen. We wanted each person to think of 5-10 values and we would vote on them for our family. There were so many to choose from. Believe it or not, there was also many of the same. However, when all was said and done, we chose 4 that suit our family. We chose: Faith, Loyalty, Growth, and Positive.
This morning, I struggled with being positive. I don't know exactly why but I felt so inadequate as a mother and a wife. I didn't realize then but I was being attacked by Satan. During this time, I cried, yelled, hit the shower (literally). It took Rick praying over me in order for me to "snap" out of it! After that, my day got SO much better! The day was a long one with so many activities with my kids and my husband! What a blessed day I had today!
The values we set may take a while to fully take effect but they are so worth it! My son can tell us what each value means to him and so can my daughter. I find that as I think about what they mean, Growth, has come to mean so much to me. I pray that I never become stagnant in my walk with Christ. I pray that whoever reads this will find encouragement. I also want for those who don't know Christ as their Savior, to question me, my family, anyone they come into contact with what it means to have Jesus save them. Remember, even personal values can have a tremendous impact on you!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
New Phase of Life = New Life??
The last few weeks have been crazy! I felt like I was never home. I know so many others that said the same thing. All of their kids were either graduating high school, 8th grade promotion, 5th grade "graduation", or Kindergarten celebration. Yes, we can all say we knew or knew of someone in those shoes.
My daughter promoted from 5th grade this year. My son is leaving 1st grade. My husband and I realized we now have a 6th grader and a 2nd grader. Then I started thinking about this new phase we are all entering. I've said it before. As of this fall, I will be homeschooling my children. We feel it is the best way to go at this time.
As of May 18th, both of my children came home to be with me all day, every day. So far, we are all just trying to figure out how this summer is going to for us. We are having to learn how discipline is going to work. Never before have my children had to do "chores" before they were allowed to watch TV or be on the computer. When my DH and I are on the same page and the kids are trying to cope with that. They still seem to think that if one says no, the other will say yes. While they are getting better, it is taking some time.
My daughter seems to be slowly getting better about understanding this. It seems like since becoming that 6th grader, she has taken on new responsibility. She seems to be ready to do her chores in the morning so she can have the afternoon free. If only my little guy would get this concept!
I know my little guy is still young. When I was home for 4 years, he seemed to do really well. He listen a LOT better than he does nowadays. I take the heat for that. I didn't stand my ground a few years ago. It is so important for children to have their parents in their lives. When I went back to work, my children suffered, especially my little guy. He missed having me home to teach him and love on him. I will never get that back but hopefully, he will learn once again that he can be with mom whenever he needs, instead of me pushing him off because I was worried about work or whatever needed to be done around the house since I wasn't home all day.
I guess this new phase that our family is going through is really what this New Life in a Cemetery is all about!
My daughter promoted from 5th grade this year. My son is leaving 1st grade. My husband and I realized we now have a 6th grader and a 2nd grader. Then I started thinking about this new phase we are all entering. I've said it before. As of this fall, I will be homeschooling my children. We feel it is the best way to go at this time.
As of May 18th, both of my children came home to be with me all day, every day. So far, we are all just trying to figure out how this summer is going to for us. We are having to learn how discipline is going to work. Never before have my children had to do "chores" before they were allowed to watch TV or be on the computer. When my DH and I are on the same page and the kids are trying to cope with that. They still seem to think that if one says no, the other will say yes. While they are getting better, it is taking some time.
My daughter seems to be slowly getting better about understanding this. It seems like since becoming that 6th grader, she has taken on new responsibility. She seems to be ready to do her chores in the morning so she can have the afternoon free. If only my little guy would get this concept!
I know my little guy is still young. When I was home for 4 years, he seemed to do really well. He listen a LOT better than he does nowadays. I take the heat for that. I didn't stand my ground a few years ago. It is so important for children to have their parents in their lives. When I went back to work, my children suffered, especially my little guy. He missed having me home to teach him and love on him. I will never get that back but hopefully, he will learn once again that he can be with mom whenever he needs, instead of me pushing him off because I was worried about work or whatever needed to be done around the house since I wasn't home all day.
I guess this new phase that our family is going through is really what this New Life in a Cemetery is all about!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Real Peace and Contentment?
Do you ever have that feeling you are just too much at peace? No? Well, I can say I feel that way today. I know I am not deserving of it either.
Just when I thought that, I read a verse again this morning. "Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God-my God-will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord."
I had to really let myself see what God was talking about. I realized I am fearful of homeschooling my children this next fall. I worry that I won't be able to do it. They will be terribly unhappy, miss socializing, and angry with me. These words began to sink in though. I don't have to be fearful or dismayed. My God will be with me until I have finished the work he set out for me to do. My DH and I believe that homeschooling our children is what we are being convicted of doing. This is what is best for them and God will be with us throughout it.
I used to be really against homeschooling. Then I warmed up to the idea. My DH was against homeschooling at that point. We are finally on the same "wavelength" of thinking. THIS is a SCARY thought in itself! So again, I am beginning to feel so much peace. God has wonderful timing!
Last year about this time was the beginning of my downfall. I was tempted, not once but twice, last year to leave my DH. The first time actually happened in May. I never could pull the trigger. I knew I was unhappy and very non-content. Thankfully, because my God does not leave or forsake me, I stayed and went through a few more very bad trials. But it has brought me such contentment, I'm now ready to just do it! Do it for HIM!!!
Just when I thought that, I read a verse again this morning. "Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God-my God-will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord."
I had to really let myself see what God was talking about. I realized I am fearful of homeschooling my children this next fall. I worry that I won't be able to do it. They will be terribly unhappy, miss socializing, and angry with me. These words began to sink in though. I don't have to be fearful or dismayed. My God will be with me until I have finished the work he set out for me to do. My DH and I believe that homeschooling our children is what we are being convicted of doing. This is what is best for them and God will be with us throughout it.
I used to be really against homeschooling. Then I warmed up to the idea. My DH was against homeschooling at that point. We are finally on the same "wavelength" of thinking. THIS is a SCARY thought in itself! So again, I am beginning to feel so much peace. God has wonderful timing!
Last year about this time was the beginning of my downfall. I was tempted, not once but twice, last year to leave my DH. The first time actually happened in May. I never could pull the trigger. I knew I was unhappy and very non-content. Thankfully, because my God does not leave or forsake me, I stayed and went through a few more very bad trials. But it has brought me such contentment, I'm now ready to just do it! Do it for HIM!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Meditation & Peace
Before I sat down today, I did quite a bit of reading. I've been a few days out of reading my Bible. I feel so much more at peace when I do though! The verse I found most interesting to me today is Philippians 4:8-9.
"Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worth of praise, dwell on these things. The things you learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
This is what I'm going to try and do. I am trying to look back over the last week and see what I can meditate on the would bring me the "God of peace". It has been an exhausting week. Last week we learned my husband would be out of town for 3 days--the longest he's been anywhere away from me and my children. So Saturday and Sunday were spent pretty much as family days. I am so thankful for those days I had with him. Monday was business as usual-watching a little girl for a friend, going to my college class, making supper for my family. Then he hubs needed to make sure we had everything for his trip on Wednesday. We made several trips to the store that night. Even though we were running around, I found it calming to be doing the boring mundane things with him. Tuesday, I spent most of the day with my sister-in-law and her daycare. I also decided that day that I was going to shop for groceries by ad-matching and couponing. (I later found out, this is not an easy task) That night, we had ball practice and came home and my hubby finished packing, he was leaving the next morning.
As R & I went to breakfast, I had a hard time not crying. I knew I would be fine but I felt like I was losing a part of me for three days. I also knew I would be solely responsible for everything our children would need the next few days. The days went fine but we all looked forward to hearing from him each night! It was the highlight of our day and we went to bed almost immediately after that call each night. I now have a greater respect for husbands and wives of those in the military that are gone for months or years at a time.
As I look over those days and realize that not even a tornado threat could disturb me, I see that I did have God's peace with me. I took each day step-by-step, second-by-second. The truth was, R would be home in a very short amount of time. I learned, by the love God has for me, anything is possible. My children can learn to be without a parent for a few days and that it is healthy. While my heart will drop for a few seconds, if I focus on what is true, and what is praiseworthy, the God of peace will be with me; although, I wasn't sure at first ;-)
"Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worth of praise, dwell on these things. The things you learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
This is what I'm going to try and do. I am trying to look back over the last week and see what I can meditate on the would bring me the "God of peace". It has been an exhausting week. Last week we learned my husband would be out of town for 3 days--the longest he's been anywhere away from me and my children. So Saturday and Sunday were spent pretty much as family days. I am so thankful for those days I had with him. Monday was business as usual-watching a little girl for a friend, going to my college class, making supper for my family. Then he hubs needed to make sure we had everything for his trip on Wednesday. We made several trips to the store that night. Even though we were running around, I found it calming to be doing the boring mundane things with him. Tuesday, I spent most of the day with my sister-in-law and her daycare. I also decided that day that I was going to shop for groceries by ad-matching and couponing. (I later found out, this is not an easy task) That night, we had ball practice and came home and my hubby finished packing, he was leaving the next morning.
As R & I went to breakfast, I had a hard time not crying. I knew I would be fine but I felt like I was losing a part of me for three days. I also knew I would be solely responsible for everything our children would need the next few days. The days went fine but we all looked forward to hearing from him each night! It was the highlight of our day and we went to bed almost immediately after that call each night. I now have a greater respect for husbands and wives of those in the military that are gone for months or years at a time.
As I look over those days and realize that not even a tornado threat could disturb me, I see that I did have God's peace with me. I took each day step-by-step, second-by-second. The truth was, R would be home in a very short amount of time. I learned, by the love God has for me, anything is possible. My children can learn to be without a parent for a few days and that it is healthy. While my heart will drop for a few seconds, if I focus on what is true, and what is praiseworthy, the God of peace will be with me; although, I wasn't sure at first ;-)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
JOY
Where do I start? The week past has been filled with so much joy! It doesn't escape me that as I do my bible devotions the word of the month is JOY. April has definitely been that. One week ago today, I renewed my vows with my husband. Now so all of you know, I made it through almost the ENTIRE ceremony before I began to cry. When I read the letter of thanks to my family, I lost it. I was overcome with such joy for my family and what was happening for us.
Then God once again completely pulled on me asking for more obedience. My hubby and I had a good talk about what was being asked of us. Amazingly, we were both on the same train of thought. We are being pushed to get COMPLETELY out of debt. Anyone who knows me, knows this will be a task for me. I like to shop! :-) We have contacted an outside group to help us. We are hoping to be out of debt within 3-4 years.
I still find it amazing how God has taken over my life completely. I gave it to him because it's his but I am still human. Everyday I still face a challenge. I slip and fall; I stumble. Thankfully, He picks me up EVERY TIME. Even though I'm still making mistakes, he has graciously allowed me a peace I have never known.
So this get out of debt thing, not my ideal situation. However, I am slowly learning that I can shop for groceries for 2 weeks at a time and spend less than $150. I'm also learning things my grandma tried teaching me when I was younger. I'm making homemade bread, actually cooking close to 90-95% of my family's meals. I even stay home with my children and do nothing (no small feat). Beginning in August, I will homeschool both of my children (when I was younger, I swore I wouldn't do this). And believe it or not, I'm even going to teach my daughter to sew a pillow and how to stitch using a pattern on dishtowels. I'm not Martha Stewart, Racheal Ray, or anyone close to that. I'm just me, with some really good "old-fashioned" values, thanks to my God!
So go find some JOY in your life. Live it to its fullest and just relax. God is in control.
"Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment; weeping may endure fora night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30: 4-5
Then God once again completely pulled on me asking for more obedience. My hubby and I had a good talk about what was being asked of us. Amazingly, we were both on the same train of thought. We are being pushed to get COMPLETELY out of debt. Anyone who knows me, knows this will be a task for me. I like to shop! :-) We have contacted an outside group to help us. We are hoping to be out of debt within 3-4 years.
I still find it amazing how God has taken over my life completely. I gave it to him because it's his but I am still human. Everyday I still face a challenge. I slip and fall; I stumble. Thankfully, He picks me up EVERY TIME. Even though I'm still making mistakes, he has graciously allowed me a peace I have never known.
So this get out of debt thing, not my ideal situation. However, I am slowly learning that I can shop for groceries for 2 weeks at a time and spend less than $150. I'm also learning things my grandma tried teaching me when I was younger. I'm making homemade bread, actually cooking close to 90-95% of my family's meals. I even stay home with my children and do nothing (no small feat). Beginning in August, I will homeschool both of my children (when I was younger, I swore I wouldn't do this). And believe it or not, I'm even going to teach my daughter to sew a pillow and how to stitch using a pattern on dishtowels. I'm not Martha Stewart, Racheal Ray, or anyone close to that. I'm just me, with some really good "old-fashioned" values, thanks to my God!
So go find some JOY in your life. Live it to its fullest and just relax. God is in control.
"Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment; weeping may endure fora night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30: 4-5
Friday, April 6, 2012
REFLECTION
Today is a reflection day for me. Tomorrow is my day to renew my wedding vows with my husband. Today though, I reflect on everything that has happened in 11 years.
I was married, I had my daughter and moved a few times while she was still a baby. A year and a half later, I accepted Christ as my Savior!!! (Best choice I ever made) Slowly, I began to let him take over my life. Another year and a half later, my son was born. (We're up to 3 years now) The next few years kind of ran together. Being a working mom, learning the ropes of having two kids. During this time I also decided to stay home and run a home daycare. This was a decision I knew I wanted but I had no clue how it would change my life. My husband still worked for the cemetery and things were changing there just a fast.
With this stress from his job and the stress of having 10 kids in my small home (only 982 sq. ft.) the hubs and I began to argue. The came the fateful day of a little girl only 3 years old that passed away. Our son was this same age. For the next few years any time one of our children got sick, it was life or death for my husband. This began to take its toll on me. Even though I was home, he would call SEVERAL times to check on the kids. It drove me crazy. I felt like I was just not a good enough mom to take care of them. I knew it was irrational but hey, who said emotions were rational.
This also took a toll on me. I was also dealing with issues from my mother and my "dad" passing away. This time was so hard for me, I held everything inside and let it bother me. I didn't really lean on Jesus for help and I tried not to lean on ANYONE for help. For this is my natural nature! I wish now I would have said something back then. It might have saved me from the depression. There were a few times I thought the world would be better off without me. As these thoughts began to invade my life, I finally went to see a doctor for it as I was crying often. With the help of medication and seeing a counselor, I was beginning to get back on track.
Then my back gave out. With the cost of insurance and doctor bills starting to climb, I made a decision to go back to work. This was now November 2009. With a heavy heart, I went back to being a working mom and trying to hold everything together. The next three years would slowly get worse for me. I was a very angry person and I was hurting. My children frustrated me, my husband and I argued, and I could see the family was starting to unravel.
In early 2011, I felt completely unloved and alone. I knew I wasn't but again, emotions are not rational. I started to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This would be my demise. In late 2011, I finally told my husband I couldn't be with him anymore and I didn't love him. This is when I found out how much LOVE he had for me. God was so gracious. He allowed my husband to speak with a pastor at our church and we began marriage counseling. I quit my job in December 2011 and became a stay at home wife and mom again!! My heart has soared!!
Our family let Christ be the CENTER of our life. So as I reflect over all of this, I see a lot of trials. However, I also see a God so loving and so compassionate that he would send his SON for me. My sins, my hurt, my burdens they were nailed to the cross with him. This whole weekend, I will praise that love and thank HIM for what he has done for me. I get a new life in this cemetery!!!!
"The three most important things to have are faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of them is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
I was married, I had my daughter and moved a few times while she was still a baby. A year and a half later, I accepted Christ as my Savior!!! (Best choice I ever made) Slowly, I began to let him take over my life. Another year and a half later, my son was born. (We're up to 3 years now) The next few years kind of ran together. Being a working mom, learning the ropes of having two kids. During this time I also decided to stay home and run a home daycare. This was a decision I knew I wanted but I had no clue how it would change my life. My husband still worked for the cemetery and things were changing there just a fast.
With this stress from his job and the stress of having 10 kids in my small home (only 982 sq. ft.) the hubs and I began to argue. The came the fateful day of a little girl only 3 years old that passed away. Our son was this same age. For the next few years any time one of our children got sick, it was life or death for my husband. This began to take its toll on me. Even though I was home, he would call SEVERAL times to check on the kids. It drove me crazy. I felt like I was just not a good enough mom to take care of them. I knew it was irrational but hey, who said emotions were rational.
This also took a toll on me. I was also dealing with issues from my mother and my "dad" passing away. This time was so hard for me, I held everything inside and let it bother me. I didn't really lean on Jesus for help and I tried not to lean on ANYONE for help. For this is my natural nature! I wish now I would have said something back then. It might have saved me from the depression. There were a few times I thought the world would be better off without me. As these thoughts began to invade my life, I finally went to see a doctor for it as I was crying often. With the help of medication and seeing a counselor, I was beginning to get back on track.
Then my back gave out. With the cost of insurance and doctor bills starting to climb, I made a decision to go back to work. This was now November 2009. With a heavy heart, I went back to being a working mom and trying to hold everything together. The next three years would slowly get worse for me. I was a very angry person and I was hurting. My children frustrated me, my husband and I argued, and I could see the family was starting to unravel.
In early 2011, I felt completely unloved and alone. I knew I wasn't but again, emotions are not rational. I started to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This would be my demise. In late 2011, I finally told my husband I couldn't be with him anymore and I didn't love him. This is when I found out how much LOVE he had for me. God was so gracious. He allowed my husband to speak with a pastor at our church and we began marriage counseling. I quit my job in December 2011 and became a stay at home wife and mom again!! My heart has soared!!
Our family let Christ be the CENTER of our life. So as I reflect over all of this, I see a lot of trials. However, I also see a God so loving and so compassionate that he would send his SON for me. My sins, my hurt, my burdens they were nailed to the cross with him. This whole weekend, I will praise that love and thank HIM for what he has done for me. I get a new life in this cemetery!!!!
"The three most important things to have are faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of them is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Fill My Mouth with Laughter...
Last night, I had this horrible dream. The dream was of when my husband and I renew our vows next weekend, he would look at me and say "I don't love you anymore, and I can't be with you". Needless to say, I woke up crying. I was relieved though to realize it was a nightmare.
Throughout today, I have had to remind myself this was only a dream and it will not happen. However, it has also caused me to look back over my life again. Have I been a good enough wife and mother? Have the last 11 years been enough? Can I do anything this week to mess up what I have?
As I and my husband have had to "deal" with our children today and teach them life lessons, I was brought to the bible for inspiration for them. I read again some promises our Lord gave to us. In Ezekiel 36:26 (NIRV) it says: "I will give you new hearts. I will give you a new spirit that is faithful to me. I will remove your stubborn hears from you. I will give you hearts that obey me." Job 8:21 states: " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing". Wow, what promises!!
Eleven years ago when I said I would love my husband no matter what, I meant it. My heart didn't know what it was getting into! Shortly after, I accepted Christ as my Savior! R was still working at the cemetery and our daughter A was about 18 months. So far up to this point, I had been an okay wife and mother. I still had LOTS of anger from my up-bringing. God promised my a new heart. He promised me a new spirit. He even promised to REMOVE my stubborn heart from me. He may have promised but I wasn't listening.
A few years went by and we had our son Z. Now Z is a very stubborn child. He loves to be right and do things his own way. He's learning about these promises in his everyday life. But, I wonder if how he is today is how God saw me. Did he see that I still had my stubborn heart? Did I make him frustrated like my son made me? Probably. I can only imagine what he was saying to get my attention! Good thing my sins are forgiven by HIM. I can rest knowing that He also promised to fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with rejoicing!!
When we go through trials as we all must, we have to cling to that promise. Laugh like no one can hear you. God can!! Even if that laughter is on the inside and only you get the joke. God can hear and see everything. Let him fulfill his promise! When I'm frustrated or sad, happy or just okay, I hope God continues to remind me to laughter and rejoice in Him. On April 7th, I pray that I do both; for my children, for my husband, and for myself!
May God "fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing" while I continue my life in this cemetery!
Throughout today, I have had to remind myself this was only a dream and it will not happen. However, it has also caused me to look back over my life again. Have I been a good enough wife and mother? Have the last 11 years been enough? Can I do anything this week to mess up what I have?
As I and my husband have had to "deal" with our children today and teach them life lessons, I was brought to the bible for inspiration for them. I read again some promises our Lord gave to us. In Ezekiel 36:26 (NIRV) it says: "I will give you new hearts. I will give you a new spirit that is faithful to me. I will remove your stubborn hears from you. I will give you hearts that obey me." Job 8:21 states: " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing". Wow, what promises!!
Eleven years ago when I said I would love my husband no matter what, I meant it. My heart didn't know what it was getting into! Shortly after, I accepted Christ as my Savior! R was still working at the cemetery and our daughter A was about 18 months. So far up to this point, I had been an okay wife and mother. I still had LOTS of anger from my up-bringing. God promised my a new heart. He promised me a new spirit. He even promised to REMOVE my stubborn heart from me. He may have promised but I wasn't listening.
A few years went by and we had our son Z. Now Z is a very stubborn child. He loves to be right and do things his own way. He's learning about these promises in his everyday life. But, I wonder if how he is today is how God saw me. Did he see that I still had my stubborn heart? Did I make him frustrated like my son made me? Probably. I can only imagine what he was saying to get my attention! Good thing my sins are forgiven by HIM. I can rest knowing that He also promised to fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with rejoicing!!
When we go through trials as we all must, we have to cling to that promise. Laugh like no one can hear you. God can!! Even if that laughter is on the inside and only you get the joke. God can hear and see everything. Let him fulfill his promise! When I'm frustrated or sad, happy or just okay, I hope God continues to remind me to laughter and rejoice in Him. On April 7th, I pray that I do both; for my children, for my husband, and for myself!
May God "fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing" while I continue my life in this cemetery!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Welcome
First of all, Welcome! To anyone that might read this, please excuse any random thoughts I have. I used to write back in high school but it's been a few years since then.
I want to give you a few reasons why I have started this blog. As my life has started to change dramatically, I needed a place to get a few thoughts out. Second, I always think, if I'm going through it, I must be the only one. I know it's not true so I'm hoping others will/can relate to how I think or feel. There, that's out of the way!
So I sit here tonight after having a "chat" with an old middle/high school friend. It makes me think of my growing years. I think of how God has moved through my life without my knowing it. He moved in a very strange way! In my first 18 years, I moved about 19 times. I had 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, 2 stepbrothers, and 1 stepsister. This also means while I had 1 mother, I grew up knowing I had 3 fathers. With that also came it's own set of problems.
Starting my new decade I met my husband. What he would teach me would be nothing short of a miracle. He is also the way I came to know New Life in a Cemetery. Within a year of our being married, he started work on a grounds crew at a local cemetery. Little did I know this cemetery would become part of our everyday life for many years!
I want to give you a few reasons why I have started this blog. As my life has started to change dramatically, I needed a place to get a few thoughts out. Second, I always think, if I'm going through it, I must be the only one. I know it's not true so I'm hoping others will/can relate to how I think or feel. There, that's out of the way!
So I sit here tonight after having a "chat" with an old middle/high school friend. It makes me think of my growing years. I think of how God has moved through my life without my knowing it. He moved in a very strange way! In my first 18 years, I moved about 19 times. I had 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, 2 stepbrothers, and 1 stepsister. This also means while I had 1 mother, I grew up knowing I had 3 fathers. With that also came it's own set of problems.
Starting my new decade I met my husband. What he would teach me would be nothing short of a miracle. He is also the way I came to know New Life in a Cemetery. Within a year of our being married, he started work on a grounds crew at a local cemetery. Little did I know this cemetery would become part of our everyday life for many years!
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