Being Restored on Thanksgiving

As a foster mom, I understand the holidays are a hard time for my foster and biological kiddos. However, it also reminds me how hard it is for my husband and I. Every November I go into a tailspin. It affects me deeply. Truth be told, it affects my family very deeply.

Four years ago, I had made a decision to leave my husband and take our children with me. Today, we are still together. It is nothing short of a miracle that God gave us and those children we have taken in. November always catches me off guard no matter how I try to be prepared for it. I still think what would have happened if I had followed through with it. What would have happened if my husband had not been as strong as he was? Would we have found our way back to each other? Would we have had the opportunity we have the last two years with foster care?

This morning as I began to wonder these questions, my husband and I were on the phone. He was having the same questions but had others I hadn't thought of. He also pointed out very gently that we were okay and were going to be better every year. After talking to him for a little bit, we hung up and he went back to work. I however decided I needed to shower and get my day started.  In the course of getting my shower, I began to weep heavily as Christian music was playing in the background. It was then that I was reminded that I had been restored and how I use that is going to say what I have learned.

I have kept holding on, year after year, to the painful memories and have not been able to look at the good times that have sprung from that. I know that God took that awful event and has used it for good. I keep punishing myself because I feel like it was all my fault and I am not worthy to be restored. Yes, I have struggled with this for a long time but I am choosing to accept the gift God has so graciously given me, year after year and memory after memory.

For anyone that is going through a tough time like this, I understand your struggle. You are not alone and there is always someone that will understand. I don't claim to know everything, I only have my experience but there are those that are more educated that can help you. I am willing to be a listening/reading person. Feel free to message me and let me know how I can pray for you.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and don't forget to say Thanks to the power that gave it to us!