Anxiety

I struggle with anxiety. I know I shouldn't but I do. Some days it's crippling. Some days, it's just there. Still other days, it's barely noticeable. I always know it's there.

I was thinking today about a few things. I am always busy. The busier I am, the less I notice the anxiety. It's days where my mind is free to wander and think that it really affects me. Don't get me wrong, I like the free me time without kids and a husband. I love to relax. I just don't do it often. I actually like to stay very, very busy.

Most people know I ran a home daycare for years.  I love taking care of kids. Honestly, I think it's because my mind likes to be busy like theirs. I can focus on things that are fun but I'm constantly moving like them. In my teenage years I never stayed home. I either participated in sports, went to sports activities, exercised, went for a walk, or "cruising" with my friends. The same was true for the beginning of my marriage. We were always busy even when our first was little.

I am not sure if I've always had anxiety or if it's just hitting me the older I get. I remember always thinking "what would happen if". There was a lot of turmoil in the household when I was young. My parents divorced, my mom was single and dating, then she remarried. That brought with it a whole new set of thoughts. I had step-siblings. I overheard a lot of talk about financial worries.

I was never in short supply of things to worry about. I tried to keep good grades in school. I didn't necessarily worry about them but I knew enough to keep them up. I had major anxiety about tests and homework and how it would affect those grades too.

So back to today. I am going to try and start a Bible study about anxiety and worry. It's on my Bible app. The reading plan is called Switch. I read about fighting fear today. It said "Fear serves one--and only one--purpose: to keep you alive. It's nothing more than a survival response". It made me realize I have been in survival mode WAY to long. I also loved that it reminded me I have been made for a great purpose. With that, God gave me power to overcome that fear. He gave me power to overcome anxiety. I'm not good at it, but I am going to continue to fight fear and someday I will come out on top.
I will still get stuck on days where anxiety takes hold. I am not perfect. I will try to remember God made me powerful. HE conquered all of this. I am made in His image. Because of this, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13).